life Funny Status Messages

   Get rid of people that withdraw from your life and never deposit!

   I think Christopher Nolan grew up on 60's Batman and his life's goal is to wipe it out...

   Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to fly a helicopter.

   I was conceived at a Pink Floyd concert, and while I’ve gone on with my life, my parents are still there waiting for them to finish playing Dark Side of the Moon.

   One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

   Life from the 1800's, my whole family died of diarrhea last night.

   Sometimes it feels like my only goal in life is just to wake up once a day.

   I dreamt I had a sh*tty life. I woke up and I have sh*tty life. So dreams do come true, kids.

   May every one of your life's ups and downs...occur in bed.

   What the shelf life of fruit cake? I think the one I have in our pantry is from 1989...Do you think I could still regift it?

   I got to get my life on track if I still expect Elton John to change the lyrics of "Candle in the Wind" for me.

   The best moments of my life when I was at my happiest, you will not find pictures of them on social media because I was too engrossed in the moment to think about taking a selfie of it.

   Like if you dont think ..3x-7y+(1/2)b.. really gonna help you in life?

   I bet you won’t judge the tattoos of the person saving your life.

   I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.

   My life's motto: "Live every week as if its shark week"

   It should be against the rules to post anything depressing on Facebook. Shout out to a deceased relative, ok. But no one cares if your goldfish is sick and you hate your life. I dont even care if my goldfish is sick.

   Before you decide to spend the rest of your life with somebody, watch them load a dishwasher.

   Words of wisdom - if you take a bath when you're high on cocaine, make sure you wear a life jacket.......

   This holiday season there's no better gift than the gift of life. That's why I'm giving every girl I know a baby.