santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.

   Why aren't there more Christmas songs about revenge?

   Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.

   Decided I wanted solid abs this year for Christmas. Bought all solid milk chocolate Santas instead of hollow ones.

   Fool the kids into thinking this will be the best Christmas ever by circling all the expensive stuff in the Argos catalogue

   Want to have some fun with your kids? Next time you're driving with them and you see a dead Deer on the side of the road say "Uh oh! Looks like Santa lost his temper again."

   Giving me a Christmas ornament as a Christmas gift is like bringing vitamins to my funeral.

   Calm down with the Christmas music Starbucks, it's only the day after Thanksgiving.

   This year, I'm thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.

   All I want for christmas is to keep the things i've got.

   Okay Christmas, you're on the clock...

   TAMPAX have announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel..this is for the christmas period only!

   Lisa in Accounts suggested we play Xmas music in the office. Long story short, she left early due to food poisoning.

   Does anyone know when the Christmas Tree lighting ceremony is set for Ferguson this year?

   I can understand the right to protest. What I don't understand is why everyone had Christmas Lists in their hands. Oh yeah..... Looting Monday.....

   Did you know that the average person gains 4 pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Good thing my mom told me I would never be average.

   if you're sad about being single, especially with Christmas around the corner, just remember even Charles Manson found someone to marry him. So there's hope for you yet! Have a good day everybody!!

   Only 40 days till Christmas... you know what that means? 41 days till I jump back in the dating pool!!

   Dear Santa, the cookies are real,, NOT gluten free, and there's normal mink,, NOT soy milk,,,, so you don't sh *t all over our chimney like last year

   Good Lord...Pink For Cancer, Red For Cards, Orange for Halloween, and Now Blue for Bullying! October has More damn color in it than a strand of Christmas Lights!