santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Does anyone know when the Christmas Tree lighting ceremony is set for Ferguson this year?

   I can understand the right to protest. What I don't understand is why everyone had Christmas Lists in their hands. Oh yeah..... Looting Monday.....

   Did you know that the average person gains 4 pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Good thing my mom told me I would never be average.

   if you're sad about being single, especially with Christmas around the corner, just remember even Charles Manson found someone to marry him. So there's hope for you yet! Have a good day everybody!!

   Only 40 days till Christmas... you know what that means? 41 days till I jump back in the dating pool!!

   Dear Santa, the cookies are real,, NOT gluten free, and there's normal mink,, NOT soy milk,,,, so you don't sh *t all over our chimney like last year

   Good Lord...Pink For Cancer, Red For Cards, Orange for Halloween, and Now Blue for Bullying! October has More damn color in it than a strand of Christmas Lights!

   A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."

   Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It's the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!

   Dear Santa, please help my dad find some milk and cigarettes so he can finally come home

   Insomnia sufferers - look on the bright side..... Only three more sleeps til Christmas

   Merry Half-Christmas! Enjoy the holiday, everyone.....

   All the Christian festivals revolve around chocolate & presents. Almost as if they're trying to lure kids in for some reason.

   can't believe Jesus was born on Christmas and died on Easter, what are the odds? still, he accomplished a lot for a four month year old.

   I'm sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can't I do the same for Easter!!!??

   Jesus is the adult version of Santa Claus. #TRUTH

   I think I'm going to take my christmas tree down today.

   Anyone who thinks that overweight people are slow moving, may I remind you of how fast Santa Claus knocked out those gift deliveries a little over a month ago?

   I'm not saying I gained weight over the holidays... All I'm saying is bring me Solo and the Wookie.

   Remember last week when I said I couldn’t wait for all the Christmas candy to be gone? Well, I lied…