Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Guys with phone holsters surely would have been gunned down quickly in the old west.

   if you ever feel bad or depressed, just remember things could be worse, you could be from cleveland.

   To make sure not to lock you small children in the hot car, be sure to leave something important in the back seat like your cell phone.

   coming to the realization that it takes a lot of balls to learn how to play golf

   Carefull..the owner of this account that you're about to view is too hot...

   my ex-boyfriend thinks I miss him, but I don't miss him, I miss his d!@k... Unfortunately, there's no way to separate the two... not legally anyway!

   wondering what if the RIP letters will be replaced to BRB?

   I appreciate that Motel 6 will leave the light on for me, because otherwise, I'm certain I would be murdered in their parking lot.

   If only those tight shirts with the bedazzled wings on the back that some guys wear would allow them to fly far, far away, the world just might be a better place.

   You know...Barbie has an awful lot of nice things for a girl whose knees do not bend.

   If only those tight shirts with the bedazzled wings on the back that some guys wear would allow them to fly far, far away, the world just might be a better place.

   Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you..

   It is easier to get forgiveness than permission

   if you're tired of waiting...just count 1 to 100...if it's still not there, count 1 to 200... if it's still not there, just count 1 to 10... if still nothing happens, then accept the fact that it's not meant for you..

   ya ever notcie that the most comfortable one can be in bed is always one minute before you have to get up?

   changing the name of MTV to Empty V. Thanks to shows like the Hills, this channel officially sucks balls now

   BREAKING NEWS: Miami Heat joins LeBron James.

   I just LeBron Jamesed my pants. Is that a thing yet?

   FACEBOOK ALERT: Lebron James is now in a relationship with Lebron James.

   How many crap loads are there in a sh*t ton again? cuz that's exactly how Cleveland feels like right now...