Randizzle Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You know...Barbie has an awful lot of nice things for a girl whose knees do not bend.
←Rate | 07-09-2010 13:18 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the producers of Tylenol cherry-flavored cough syrup, HAVE you ever tasted a cherry before??
←Rate | 03-31-2010 14:51 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men expecting regular women to act like porn stars is similar to women expecting men to act like the sensitive hunks in romantic comedies.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 16:39 by randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon It disturbs me that my boss, the guy who controls whether or not I keep my job, has one of those magic 8 balls on his desk.
←Rate | 04-05-2010 11:33 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes I know that "IMHO" means "In my humble opinion." In my humble opinion you are calling yourself a ho every time I read it.
←Rate | 03-31-2010 10:45 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die
←Rate | 09-16-2009 13:18 by randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon The nutritional facts on a box should just tell you the amount of exercise needed to burn off what you're about to eat.
←Rate | 04-07-2010 16:01 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon I appreciate that Motel 6 will leave the light on for me, because otherwise, I'm certain I would be murdered in their parking lot.
←Rate | 07-09-2010 13:16 by randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those 7 dwarfs mine 100 karat diamonds all day and still live in a $hitty little cottage. What the hell are they saving up for?
←Rate | 03-31-2010 10:48 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure if I washed my face like the girls on face wash commercials, my roommates would be really pissed about the puddles all over the bathroom floor.
←Rate | 03-31-2010 14:29 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is no I in UGLY but there is a U!
←Rate | 02-23-2010 15:17 by randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember when the phrase "I'm completely bald" only referred to your head.
←Rate | 04-05-2010 11:32 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I give my kids random punishments and when they ask why I tell them, "You know what you did!" When they don't argue back I know it was justified.
←Rate | 03-31-2010 14:31 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the end of each work day, I have a strong urge to sidekick the elevator down button, suppressed only by my desire to maintain employment
←Rate | 03-31-2010 10:53 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon n't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
←Rate | 09-29-2009 09:46 by randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if tennis ballboys brag about their "gets" to each other. "You see that? I grabbed the $hit out of that ball! School's in session, boys. I am lightning!"
←Rate | 03-31-2010 10:49 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a girl gives me a hug, my hands envy my chest.
←Rate | 04-05-2010 11:33 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can only listen to you cybergripe about your problems for so long before I expect a pic of your boobs as payment for my services.
←Rate | 04-05-2010 11:32 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm always caught a little off guard when an airport security checkpoint worker shows symptoms of having a personality.
←Rate | 03-31-2010 10:52 by Randizzle Comments (0)  


   messageicon If only those tight shirts with the bedazzled wings on the back that some guys wear would allow them to fly far, far away, the world just might be a better place.
←Rate | 07-09-2010 13:17 by randizzle Comments (0)  



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