Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 517 of 6385
I don't trust people who don't have middle names...
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06-28-2010 21:20 by Joser
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The only thing I hate more than people who make fun of other people is people who don't laugh when I do it.
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06-28-2010 21:21 by Joser
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You post one little joke saying you won the lottery and Facebook finds you 1,347 new possible relatives.
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07-06-2010 17:25 by Joser
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Remembering how easy life was in kindergarten. As long as you had the biggest box of crayons and the coolest lunch box you ruled the school......
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08-12-2010 22:09 by Corey C
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Me, walking: "Pedestrians ALWAYS have the right of way!" Me, driving: "LOOK OUT FOR CARS, freakin idiots."
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08-19-2010 16:46
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I don't care how bad I have to go, I will hold it until I'm clocked back in after lunch. If I have to be here, you WILL pay me to use the bathroom.
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08-22-2010 18:35 by MBH
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My Dad is taking ownership of my phone for a day so if you could refrain from sending me texts like "F&ck me gently with a chainsaw"(2:30am) then that would be fantastic
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04-18-2010 21:18 by paulb808
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If "fire" didn't rhyme with "desire" and "right" with "tonight" most Boy Bands wouldn't be able to write a song.
so your telling me that facebook is gonna start charging money monthly? You remind of the people that told me that about Hotmail.. TEN YEARS AGO!"
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04-27-2010 19:40
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It would be some much easier for me to be compassionate, if compassionate meant smacking people in the head.
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05-03-2010 17:04 by Joser
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I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
My son has been sitting at the computer for so long I almost watered him today..........
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05-23-2010 00:17 by Corey C
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I'm peeved that the bank owns a good chunk of this house but hasn't once taken out the trash. Worst roommate ever.
I'm going to write that down in my "Things I don't give a crap about" notebook.
A handful of Nigerian scam artists are wrecking it for all the honest Nigerians who want to wire money to us.
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10-26-2010 11:04 by jdpower
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planning to do something today, but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday. Maybe I should be a politician..
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11-02-2010 17:51 by Wolf
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you know you're getting older when your back goes out more than you do
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11-09-2010 14:29 by Yaj
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I prefer the button fly. That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth.
I don't know about you but putting the Kardashian's on a credit card to promote financial responsability makes as much sense as getting a nun to be a spokes woman for a condom company.
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11-11-2010 21:29 by One
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Women never hate men enough to give us our diamonds back.
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11-26-2010 06:37 by Royal
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