Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 426 of 6384
You don't get smarter as you get older. There just aren't any stupid things left that you haven't already done.
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11-25-2012 21:45 by BEGO
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Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates
By the volume of the pans clanging amd slamming in the kitchen... I think I'm supposed to be volunteering to help with something
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08-28-2012 07:23 by snotty
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If I ever become a serial killer I'll probably be known as The "I SAID NO PICKLES, B ITCH" Drive-Thru Strangler.
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09-28-2012 05:49
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It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
Whenever there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Just once, I wish WebMD would tell me "relax...it's only gas".
Congratulations to Jay-z and Beyonce on the birth of their baby. She won't have to work a day in her life, they should call her Lay-Z
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01-08-2012 17:45
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If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the coffee and went straight for the booze?
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03-27-2012 13:50 by Czovczov
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Don't judge me just because I sin differently from you.
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04-16-2012 15:42
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If you keep your child on a leash in public, I will not hesitate to ask "Does he bite?"
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06-07-2012 14:01 by Baddie
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I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem but it's very deep.
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12-10-2011 13:57
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If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
Today, I saw the commercial for the Snuggie. I still think it is stupid idea, but I couldn't change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn't want my arms to get cold…
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03-06-2010 12:23
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Does anyone else leave Best Buy without buying anything and think the security guy at the front suspects you of stealing... so you go out of your way to act friendly toward him?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, damn, you're good. Fool me four times…expect a drive-by
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01-05-2011 17:00 by ~heZz~
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Legally,It's questionable. Morally,It's disgusting. Personally,I like it.
Somewhere Brett Favre just throw his remote at a tv....and it was intercepted..
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01-23-2011 19:49 by kalika
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