Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 383 of 6384
not waiting another minute for the lab results... the Valentine cookies from my ex-wife look good and I am feeling lucky.
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02-27-2010 04:29
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If there is enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts...it probably isn't
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01-06-2012 15:50 by lawdawg
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I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he's ok.
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06-23-2012 22:01
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Wouldn't it make more sense for laptop makers like Dell and HP to make the cooling fan on the top of the keyboard area instead of having it reach searing temperatures on my lap due to lack of air flow? My name is Randee and common sense was my idea
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04-16-2010 14:13
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I wish mosquitos sucked fat instead of blood.
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05-05-2010 11:02
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A man goes into a library and ask for a book on suicide....The librarian replies "F*ck off! you wont bring it back!"
Wishes some people were like Etch-A-Sketch's.. when you shake the sh*t out of them they disappear.
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06-15-2010 09:23
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So I'm giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
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11-02-2010 23:14 by Aaron
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She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found 'mute' by now.
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11-05-2010 12:04 by Aaron
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Nothing's more satisfying than when "the one that got away" turns into "whew, dodged that bullet."
Dear Mr. Pinto Bean, I'm very sorry I ate you and a couple of hundred of your friends, but there is no need for you to panic and plot your escape.....
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01-25-2011 07:32 by scottyp
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gonna laugh 2 years from now when all of those people who thought the world was gonna end on Dec. 22, 2012 realize that they are still gonna have to go out and buy Christmas presents.....
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01-17-2010 02:11 by Ginger C.
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Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.
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02-19-2010 09:31 by Aaron
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All I want for Christmas, is to keep the things I've got.
I think my girlfriend's hallucinating. She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.
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10-16-2010 10:51 by Aaron
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You know your tired when your alarm doesn't wake you up straight away, instead it just blends into your dream
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05-04-2011 06:56 by Thrasher
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Going to Mark Zuckerberg's house to move around all his furniture and see how he likes it!
I see debt people.
Tuesday on 'Ancient Hoarders' - A concerned Jerusalem couple fights to save their son Noah from his spiraling animal collection.
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11-11-2012 14:41 by snotty
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For the record, you'll need a turntable needle.
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04-23-2013 17:54 by Aaron
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