Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 584 of 6385
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It's the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
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09-19-2014 20:03
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Women with large breasts are generally more successful than men with large breasts.
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02-19-2016 18:09
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If I ever get a hamster I'm naming it MC Hamster. I might buy one for that reason alone....
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06-17-2015 11:53
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My nickname at work is "I thought they fired you"
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06-18-2015 16:51
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Whenever I see a suggestion box, I put in, "Get rid of suggestion box."
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07-05-2015 19:51 by huck
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Why must I prove I'm me, if I'm callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
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07-09-2015 19:43 by Jitney
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No man has ever won a game of 'notice anything different about me?'
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07-12-2015 21:08
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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
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10-12-2015 09:44 by flinnie
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Remember that episode on Cosby Show where Vanessa got drunk and was hung over..........I'm thinking Cosby did that
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12-31-2015 09:56
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P0rn is so unrealistic, I just took a shower with my girlfriend and stood in the corner freezing for 20 minutes handing her different shampoos
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12-03-2014 07:51 by Baddie
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Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
So...you got married, cheated on your spouse, got divorced and now can't seem to find a good, honest person?? Sounds like you just got owned by karma.
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01-27-2015 13:28
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Just watched my daughter's boyfriend take 90 seconds to get a straw in a Capris Sun. Safe to say I can put the shotgun away now.
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02-13-2015 15:45
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I'm at that age now that if I am at a bachelor party and a stripper jumped out of a cake I would worry that she will get hair on my peice.
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03-22-2015 12:29
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I'm terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
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03-30-2015 04:48 by flinnie
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All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
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12-08-2013 07:51
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Can't believe it's been a whole year since the world ended in 2012
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12-14-2013 13:32
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People who bite icecream scare the hell out of me
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12-14-2013 13:33
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I think Oprah should marry Deepak Choprah and take his last name.
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02-07-2014 21:30 by BEGO
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Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom's wastepaper basket.
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02-09-2014 07:27 by Sudz
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