Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 390 of 6385
If you can listen to Phil Collins "In the air tonight" and not play the air drums, then you my friend have no soul!
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06-20-2011 06:01 by flinnie
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The road to Hell is paved with everything that feels like Heaven.
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06-06-2012 07:35 by snotty
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My favourite pastime is planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sitting back to watch the magic unfold.
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11-09-2011 15:26
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Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She's been talking for the last 2 days and doesn't seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.
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03-05-2012 17:23 by SEAN
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Mark Zuckerberg screwed over his class mates and best friend. Do you honestly think he cares about your opinion on the new Timeline layout?
Louis Vuitton's selling $68 condoms? Fine by me. Anyone idiotic enough to spend that much money on a condom probably shouldn't breed.
I love Facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.
1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad Maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
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04-06-2010 17:27
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You know you are getting old when you have to scroll down, and scroll down some more, to select the year you were born when completing on-line forms.
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04-13-2010 08:22
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I didn't outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
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06-21-2010 17:47 by Phire
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The average penis length of a man is 5 1/2 inches. The average penis length of a man who googles "penis length" is 3 1/2 inches.
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11-06-2010 02:48
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Nothing's more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.
When did this become "Un-comical, Boring Political Status Messages for Facebook"?
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09-07-2012 18:32
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If you love something,, let it go..... That's EXACTLY what I've done with my body....
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09-30-2012 17:15 by snotty
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I have a black belt in leather
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12-18-2012 11:38 by snotty
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Kim and Kanye's baby will probably be delivered by C-Section to avoid getting Chlamydia on the way out...
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12-31-2012 12:44
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A stranger phoned me up last night asking me to meet him in the woods because he wanted to see my breasts. Weirdo never showed up
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01-19-2013 02:03
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Bowling is my favorite sport because you don't have to run and there's beer five feet away.
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08-05-2012 18:09
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P0rn is so unrealistic. There's no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
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08-19-2012 11:38
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