Phire Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I didn't outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 17:47 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks you should NEVER look down on someone...unless you have a clear view of cleavage.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 18:30 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon just saw an ugly, pregnant woman and thought, "Good for you."
←Rate | 06-21-2010 18:41 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon You moon the wrong person at the office as a joke just once, and suddenly you're not "professional" anymore.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 17:51 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks you should probably just let your "Honor Roll" student drive, cause you're very obviously an idiot.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 19:15 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering who left the bag of idiots open.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 17:43 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear man at the gas station, I admire how your mustache begins with your nose hairs.
←Rate | 04-26-2011 12:16 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 17:58 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon tired of all the emails I keep getting on how to enlarge my p*nis, especially since I am a woman, so I have forward them to my exhusband
←Rate | 06-21-2010 18:35 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon considered being a stay-at-home mom but then I found out the kids would be there too.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 15:41 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon Been on hold so long I forgot who I called. Got a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't narrow it down much.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 17:42 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh**" and "syphilis
←Rate | 06-21-2010 18:28 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks the fastest way to being happy is to make others happy. You go first.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 17:52 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you listen to the Charlie Sheen interview backwards you can hear Gaddafi laughing at Bambi dying.
←Rate | 03-01-2011 19:28 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man made alcohol, God made marijuana, who are you going to trust?
←Rate | 06-21-2010 17:57 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you're ever feeling down just remeber: you were that ONE sperm that made it.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 14:40 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon all I want is a comfy bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 17:44 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hired Helen Waite as my assistant. So if you need anything from me you must go to Helen Waite.
←Rate | 06-21-2010 14:45 by Phire Comments (0)  


   messageicon loves Ben & Jerry's ice cream but this new "Schweddy Balls" flavor is leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
←Rate | 09-23-2011 08:39 by Phire Comments (0)  


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