Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 315 of 6385
(insert random song lyrics that describe how I feel, even though nobody cares)
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03-15-2010 11:26 by Jake
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Some guy in the NBA came out as gay. Let’s all talk about this irrelevant sh*t for a week now.
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04-30-2013 13:23
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Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
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05-02-2013 09:05
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The hardest part of gift buying is convincing yourself you don't deserve the gift more than the person you're buying it for.
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05-06-2013 14:03 by SEAN
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Irony: Putting Jodi Arias on suicide watch while she's facing the death penalty?
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05-08-2013 21:36
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The final Twilight movie and Lincoln both opened the same weekend. One is about a shameful, dark chapter in our history we hope never will be repeated. The other is about a president.
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11-26-2012 21:37
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If I can punch you without moving my feet, you're in my personal space.
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08-28-2012 07:49
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A giant spider just attacked the back of my neck and then quickly morphed back into my t-shirt tag!
If you think your child is annoying, imagine what I think.
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12-27-2012 08:17 by Baddie
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Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you're an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
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07-06-2013 14:12
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If you’re going to hire a moving company, make them all play Tetris first and choose the one who gets the highest score.
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08-01-2013 06:59
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12 years of school and I'm still not sure if it's “grey” or “gray”
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08-03-2013 01:16 by Daheavy1
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If I ever get mugged, I hope the thief is kind enough to let me Instagram how scared I look.
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08-19-2013 12:33
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After visiting a nursing home I always come home and pray I'm eaten by bears...
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09-03-2012 12:09 by Rick
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I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
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10-06-2012 15:35
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If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
The best part about working directly with the public is that you become fluent in moron.
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03-12-2013 05:14
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Heading to the pawn shop. We have an extra 5 gallons of gas and gonna make some money!
You look cute...in a National Geographic way.
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03-24-2012 14:31
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I hate it when I'm trying to kill a spider but then I lose track of it and I become a victim in my own home
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04-19-2012 20:58 by BEGO
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