Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 274 of 6384
Tell a girl a million times shes not fat... She'll never believe you... Call her fat once she'll never forget it.
If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot." you are wasting everybody's time.
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08-17-2011 18:26 by Hot Tea
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Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better
Dear Men,if you are going to criticise a womans figure or any other aspect of her appearance please make 100% sure that you are Brad pitt or Johnny Depp...
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08-15-2010 10:36
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wants to say to the nice stranger he saw while driving around, "Next time you wave at me, use all of your fingers."
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04-22-2009 01:51
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my blond sister jus texted me and asked what does "idk" stand for? I said I dont know. she said OMG! nobody does!
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10-15-2009 14:05 by sellers82
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I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
never apologizes. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am....
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01-22-2010 12:59 by Y.P
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There are a lot of pro bowlers in the NFL... I really admire two sport athletes.
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02-28-2010 17:09
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Almost a billion dollars have been spent on campaign ads so far. It's a good thing our schools and economy are in great shape or I'd be mad.
Before updating my status l always test it on my wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, l know it has potential.
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08-30-2012 00:28 by Vybe
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Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the heck down.
ever noticed on sponge bob that krusty crab is in bikini bottom...?
it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
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03-26-2010 10:14
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Kindergarten class reunion? No way, man. Ive put on like, a hundred and fifty pounds since then.
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08-08-2010 02:26
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To my Family & Friends. There were probably many times this year when I may have disturbed you, troubled you, pestered you, irritated you, bugged you, or got on your nerves. So today I just wanted to tell you. Suck it up cupcake! There are NO CHANGES plan
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12-31-2010 09:04 by @Torren_T
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If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
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08-17-2011 12:22
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The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that's coming.
If you ever find yourself thinking...man I really need to go out and buy myself a Clay Aiken cd...please delete me as a Facebook friend
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02-11-2011 14:21
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Am I the only one that when somebody says "10 years ago", thinks about 90's instead of 2002?
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01-22-2012 18:51 by g0re
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