Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 228 of 6384
I hate when I get some Taco Bell and somebody tells me that Taco Bell isn't "real" Mexican food. I didn't get Taco Bell because I wanted authentic Mexican cuisine. I got Taco Bell because I'm poor and I like Chalupas.
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11-15-2010 17:48
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Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green..
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10-02-2010 18:51 by Aaron
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Always keep several Get Well cards on the mantel. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.
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03-01-2011 20:19 by scottyp
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Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
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01-14-2012 05:14 by g0re
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Confucius say: Man who go to sleep with sexual problem, wake up with solution in hand....
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02-04-2010 22:21 by samdave69
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Who came up with the brilliant idea of moving the clocks forward on the weekend...in the middle of the night?? Why not move them ahead on a Friday around 4PM?
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03-08-2013 13:13
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I'm bored. Who wants to fall in love with me until they find someone better?
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02-26-2013 11:41
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You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
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07-30-2013 22:53
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Live today like it's your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't.
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03-21-2012 15:15
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An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
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12-17-2010 22:37 by Me
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Skin-tight clothing only works if the skin underneath is tight also
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07-28-2011 16:30
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People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you're watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
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09-12-2011 13:27
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When girls or any women ask you "What?" In reply, it isnt cause they didnt hear you. Its because they giving you a CHANCE to CHANGE what you just said.
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05-27-2011 23:55 by BEGO
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Heard that Snooki hates the nickname "Snooki" and wants to go back to using her real name, "Danny Devitto".
Next person who says "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" will learn that it's not my fist, but the impact.
I'm surprised by the violence in Syria. I really thought the World Peace sign at the end of Madonna's halftime show would work.
I got a box of Animal Crackers the other day, and the box said, WARNING "Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken". I open the box, and sure enough...
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02-18-2012 18:08
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My vegetarian friend could not understand why I brought a bottle of ketchup on our hiking trip. “In case we get lost.” He's slow. Tasty slow.
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01-20-2012 22:31 by Aaron
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People think i'm shy because I don't talk or participate much in conversations. The truth is I don't really give a f*ck what they're talking about.
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12-22-2011 19:36 by g0re
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I guess Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are dating now, and apparently it's getting serious. Friends say Kanye is the guy Kim wants to spend the rest of her month with
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04-16-2012 16:09
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