Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 227 of 6384
The media is a weapon of mass destruction....
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09-03-2013 15:49 by sully
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Dear teeth whiteners. .. you have a set of teeth on the bottom too.. you're like the guys at the gym that don't do legs..
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09-04-2013 11:31 by Yaj
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Just once, I'd like to see Punxsutawney Phil open a can of whoop-ass on the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
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02-02-2013 08:34 by M
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Bill Clinton has been acting funny ever since Michael Douglas made that oral sex comment.
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06-15-2013 10:33 by Danmanz
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The day Bruce Jenner finally snaps and locks his entire family in his Escalade and pushes it into his swimming pool just got one stupid baby name closer.
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06-21-2013 09:46 by Michael
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Balloons are so much more expensive than when I was a kid... Probably due to,,,,, you know,, inflation.
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12-11-2016 19:24 by snotty
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No one is giving you free airline tickets, a week at Disney, a cruise or a cabin in the woods for a year. If you want those things, put down your GD phone, tablet or computer and get off your a$$ and earn them!!
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11-05-2017 09:17
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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger.
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10-27-2010 09:12 by Aaron
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Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I cannot fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that.
Yeah I'm married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT'S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
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02-07-2013 11:09 by snotty
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What if we CAN breathe in space and they just don't want us to escape?
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06-05-2011 15:40
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FACEBOOK is the second most popular word that starts with "F" and ends with "K" ; )
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03-04-2011 01:50 by RoN
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Kids complaining they didn't get an iPhone for Christmas or got one in the wrong color is exactly why other countries hate us.
~• << Picture of me when I was younger.
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12-03-2011 19:06
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If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I just hope they split us up by the music genre.
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01-28-2012 17:28 by Livelife
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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I’m having wine for dinner.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
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08-07-2013 14:41
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Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
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11-08-2010 00:13
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TIP: If you've forgotten your Bluetooth headset, wearing sunglasses indoors is an equally effective douchebag indicator.
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05-13-2010 10:57 by Joser
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Winnie the Pooh was based on psychological problems. Winnie has an eating disorder. Piglet suffers from anxiety.Eeyore has major depression. Tigger has ADHD.Rabbit has OCD. & Christopher Robin must be a drug addict if his stuffed animals talk to him
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11-21-2010 16:45 by Dita
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