Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I like to add tension to a conference call with a surprise toilet flush. 
Are you a man who feels confident about his opinions? Has a high self-esteem? Well I think it's time to get you a woman.
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
Make her feel like she's the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.
I always make sure the music is loud when I'm having sex so I don't get to hear her say ''THAT'S NOT 9 INCHES!!!''
Single people have 6 priorities: 1) Convince yourself you're happy. 2) Convince your girl or boyfriend you're happy. 3) Convince friends you're happy. 4) Convince workmates you’re happy 5) Convince relatives you’re happy 6) Convince neighbors you’re
My Dad said if I get 1000 likes, my dog will come back to life!
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook!
The 5-second rule should also apply to anything a guy says to his wife or girlfriend. If she looks like she is getting angry, we have 5-seconds to take it back.
I polled 100 women on what their favourite shampoo was. The response was all the same..."How did you get into my bathroom?!??!?"
Being born gaa why is the dumbest statement. You barely know how to walk but you already figured out your sex ual preference??? Fohhhhh
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can double park anywhere.
There's not much creepier than an old man with an earring.
They call me The Beer Whisperer.
I bought a book entitled "How to Have a Good Personality." It's a gift for my ex.
Dear Dad. Thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!
Fathers day, the most confusing day in the ghetto...
happy fathers day to all the ones who came home with the gallon of milk
If you're fearful about the government spying on you while you're online, hang out on Myspace. Nobody is going to spy on you there.
Happy Fathers day to all the guys out there... (No not single moms) sorry ladies but you had Mothers Day and you will never replace a man as a dad so stop with the double dipping... 