Baddie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
←Rate | 05-22-2017 02:30 by Baddie Comments (3)  


   messageicon Live such that when the mortician prepares you for your funeral, he must struggle to get that grin off your face.
←Rate | 05-08-2017 22:51 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
←Rate | 12-13-2014 13:11 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I've probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
←Rate | 03-28-2017 12:23 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Saturday morning: Try holding the other end.
←Rate | 06-08-2013 11:50 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be a separate social networking site for people who post inspirational quotes.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 07:17 by Baddie Comments (1)  


   messageicon The restraining order doesn't mean we can't hang. It just says I can't get within 50ft of you. You wanna play catch or frisbee or something?
←Rate | 12-07-2012 08:37 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Justin Bieber has grown a mustache. His transformation into a teenage mexican girl is now complete.
←Rate | 09-17-2013 02:28 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet there's a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
←Rate | 09-06-2014 15:57 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
←Rate | 12-05-2012 01:46 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at hello...oh you weren't talking to me.
←Rate | 09-28-2014 13:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
←Rate | 05-30-2012 14:29 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm thinking the woman with 4 kids on leashes at Walmart should probably stop buying her condoms at Walmart.
←Rate | 10-03-2013 09:18 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's like the women in this bar don't know how close I am to getting my own apartment.
←Rate | 04-24-2014 13:50 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just bought a medical alert bracelet. It says "Probably just sh*tfaced"
←Rate | 05-11-2014 13:56 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Given the exploding population of idiots in our communities, I think it’s about time we required people to pass a test first before they are allowed to vote. We can’t afford to put our destiny in the hands of clueless idiots.
←Rate | 03-12-2017 00:19 by Baddie Comments (2)  


   messageicon I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
←Rate | 09-06-2013 14:38 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing I hate more than joggers on the beach. I don't need to be reminded how out of shape I am on vacation a $$hole.
←Rate | 06-05-2013 13:07 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon So when is this 'old enough to know better' suppose to kick in ?
←Rate | 10-18-2012 13:15 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope tonight's the night when we'll finally see a presidential candidate make the jerk-off motion while the other candidate is speaking.
←Rate | 09-26-2016 14:39 by Baddie Comments (0)  



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