Czovczov Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon "Can we talk for a minute?" is code for, "I am going to ruin the next 6 hours of your life with this bad news here."
←Rate | 07-06-2013 12:26 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock against the wall in the morning is the fact that it's also my cellphone.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 02:46 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dream is to become the first smart person to be interviewed by a newscaster live at a scene.
←Rate | 10-10-2012 03:47 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
←Rate | 04-17-2014 08:50 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone just autocorrected kindergarten to Kardashian and that, people, is exactly what is wrong with this world.
←Rate | 04-30-2015 13:35 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people say 'I'm a vegetarian except for fish.' Right, and I'm a virgin except for all that sex I had.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 14:23 by Czovczov Comments (2)  


   messageicon Yes there's plenty of fish in the sea, but don't forget about the sharks, seaweed, oil spills, toxic waste and the Somali pirates.
←Rate | 11-16-2011 01:19 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.
←Rate | 08-25-2012 11:16 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spread your lies elsewhere, turkey bacon.
←Rate | 09-16-2013 14:45 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at 0 mutual friends
←Rate | 01-27-2015 12:36 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its called KARMA and its pronounced "Ha ha you got served what you deserve"
←Rate | 01-25-2014 08:30 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I try to avoid nice people so they can stay that way.
←Rate | 10-20-2012 12:40 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the cinema. ME: Two tickets please! CASHIER: For the Hobbit? ME: How dare you sir, she's my date.
←Rate | 12-22-2012 00:19 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Suicide Bomber Training: "Pay attention because I'm only going to show you this once..."
←Rate | 02-24-2012 11:55 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Many women say a guy who makes them laugh is all they want. They fail to mention all the things it takes to put them in the mood to laugh.
←Rate | 08-28-2012 14:37 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That's why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
←Rate | 11-25-2012 10:53 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 12:43 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see a lone female jogging at night I follow her in my car from a noticable distance because there are a lot of weirdos out there.
←Rate | 12-13-2012 12:50 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon If steroids and other performance enhancing drugs are illegal for athletes, shouldn't Photoshop be illegal for models?
←Rate | 12-30-2011 11:39 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yesterday my wife caught me checking out our hot new neighbor and all she had to say to me was, “It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home".
←Rate | 02-08-2012 07:22 by Czovczov Comments (0)  



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