Czovczov Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon "Can we talk for a minute?" is code for, "I am going to ruin the next 6 hours of your life with this bad news here."
←Rate | 07-06-2013 12:26 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock against the wall in the morning is the fact that it's also my cellphone.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 02:46 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dream is to become the first smart person to be interviewed by a newscaster live at a scene.
←Rate | 10-10-2012 03:47 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
←Rate | 04-17-2014 08:50 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone just autocorrected kindergarten to Kardashian and that, people, is exactly what is wrong with this world.
←Rate | 04-30-2015 13:35 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people say 'I'm a vegetarian except for fish.' Right, and I'm a virgin except for all that sex I had.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 14:23 by Czovczov Comments (2)  


   messageicon Yes there's plenty of fish in the sea, but don't forget about the sharks, seaweed, oil spills, toxic waste and the Somali pirates.
←Rate | 11-16-2011 01:19 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.
←Rate | 08-25-2012 11:16 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spread your lies elsewhere, turkey bacon.
←Rate | 09-16-2013 14:45 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon If steroids and other performance enhancing drugs are illegal for athletes, shouldn't Photoshop be illegal for models?
←Rate | 12-30-2011 11:39 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at 0 mutual friends
←Rate | 01-27-2015 12:36 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its called KARMA and its pronounced "Ha ha you got served what you deserve"
←Rate | 01-25-2014 08:30 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I try to avoid nice people so they can stay that way.
←Rate | 10-20-2012 12:40 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the cinema. ME: Two tickets please! CASHIER: For the Hobbit? ME: How dare you sir, she's my date.
←Rate | 12-22-2012 00:19 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Suicide Bomber Training: "Pay attention because I'm only going to show you this once..."
←Rate | 02-24-2012 11:55 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Many women say a guy who makes them laugh is all they want. They fail to mention all the things it takes to put them in the mood to laugh.
←Rate | 08-28-2012 14:37 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tried ordering one of Justin Bieber's CDs for my niece's birthday on Amazon. Amazon said "costumers who bought this also bought a rope and a stool."
←Rate | 03-03-2013 00:46 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That's why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
←Rate | 11-25-2012 10:53 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 12:43 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see a lone female jogging at night I follow her in my car from a noticable distance because there are a lot of weirdos out there.
←Rate | 12-13-2012 12:50 by Czovczov Comments (0)  



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