Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   good girls blush when they watch porn but bad girls smile coz they know they can do better!!! ;-)

   If you're a midget, and you don't dress up as a leprechaun and hand out chocolate gold coins for Halloween, you're just being selfish!

   TRUE STORY: I held the door open for an Asian gentlemen yesterday at the mall. He said "Sank You." He better not be referring to Pearl Harbor.

   To Michael Brown's family: I hope you find closure. To Darren Wilson: I hope you find peace. To the rioters: I hope you find jobs.

   Women close their eyes during sëx because they can't stand to see a man having a good time.

   The plain cake donut is always the last one picked.... Come with me poor little plain cake donut,, you can be on my team.

   last time I checked this was the "funny facebook status website" not the deep and meaningful status website

   Girls don't be proud if every guy wants you... Cheap items have many buyers

   Ghetto word of the day: COLOGNE. Usage: "You think you cologne me a dollar or two?"

   it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on facebook people that you do know, but deliberately choose not to be friends with?

   Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.....

   I love the way you laugh....mostly because your boobs jiggle when you do :)

   I'm waiting for the day Ziploc quits the pretentiousness with the sandwiches and just starts putting weed right on the box.

   Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right, instantly!

   I was on snookies facebook and poked her. Now I need to get my facebook checked for herpes.

   This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half ass jingler.

   Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.

   It's great that they're searching for Amelia Earhart again,, But I think we've got to brace these people,, there's a good chace she's not alive

   For your information, we'll be remembered as the generation who thought a fat Korean pretending to ride a horse was entertaining to look at.

   When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that? Now it would be for the prescriptions.