father OR dad Funny Status Messages
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Another successful year no random father's day cards in the mail!!!
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06-17-2014 19:05 by Zack
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I was talking to the local kids last night, telling them they are ruining what our fore father's created. One kid said, "my mom sleeps around but I ain't got four fathers!". I shook my head and got his mom's number.
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06-22-2019 17:26
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The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
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09-27-2011 00:10
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He's really got his father's scalp.
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What an idiot that Maury is, inviting me onto his "Father's Day DNA special"..... I don't even have any kids.
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06-21-2015 12:48
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If your father never hugged you as a child then Rugby is the perfect sport for you.
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10-09-2011 05:17
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Every time a white guy sags his pants, somewhere in the world, a black baby grows up with a father.
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12-27-2011 06:44
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A pregnant prostitute went to a doctor and he asked, “Do you know who the father is?” She replied, “Well, if you ate a can of baked beans, do you know which one made you fart?”
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Let's not forget a Happy Father's day to all the Sugar Daddies out there.
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06-19-2011 14:08
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So I Went to pick up my date for homecoming, Her father said make sure she is home and in bed before 11PM, I Said " Don't worry Sir, I'll have her in bed by 830" :D
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10-03-2013 13:47 by Ajdo
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Speaking of Fathers Day... The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
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06-18-2011 23:45 by SteveOH
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Still no Fathers Day card from my kids. Just because they are short, furry and talk funny is no excuse....it's hard being a single father.
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06-17-2012 08:13 by K-Mac
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Congrats Khloe Kardashian! You're father was granted parole!
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07-20-2017 15:55 by Yaj
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RIP ... George Jefferson.....Father of Swag
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07-25-2012 07:09
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Father inlaw: A priest who is also a lawyer.
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07-04-2018 19:24 by Jake
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I forgot to buckle my 5 year old up in the car today, and while leaving the parking lot, this guy yells, "You're an irresponsible father!". I was like, "What the hell is that guy's problem? Stop the car son!"
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"The Empire Strikes Back" is SO unrealistic... No WAY the black guy would ever admit to being the father.
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11-13-2013 21:12 by HiYourJon
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thinks that the mother and father bear from Goldilocks and the 3 bears had some relationship issues as evident from the fact that they had separate beds!
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10-10-2010 22:36 by Tarwadi
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My father of the year hopes and dreams were crushed the moment I joined Facebook.
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10-03-2013 13:42 by Baddie
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To all the women I've dated. If we have a secret love child together that you never told me about, just have them get me a giftcard for Father's Day. Thanks!
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