father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Let's not forget a Happy Father's day to all the Sugar Daddies out there.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 14:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon - I would quit drinking, but my father didn't raiser a quiter.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So I Went to pick up my date for homecoming, Her father said make sure she is home and in bed before 11PM, I Said " Don't worry Sir, I'll have her in bed by 830" :D
←Rate | 10-03-2013 13:47 by Ajdo Comments (0)  

   messageicon Speaking of Fathers Day... The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
←Rate | 06-18-2011 23:45 by SteveOH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Still no Fathers Day card from my kids. Just because they are short, furry and talk funny is no excuse....it's hard being a single father.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 08:13 by K-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon RIP ... George Jefferson.....Father of Swag
←Rate | 07-25-2012 07:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father inlaw: A priest who is also a lawyer.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:24 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I forgot to buckle my 5 year old up in the car today, and while leaving the parking lot, this guy yells, "You're an irresponsible father!". I was like, "What the hell is that guy's problem? Stop the car son!"
←Rate | 07-28-2012 11:48 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The Empire Strikes Back" is SO unrealistic... No WAY the black guy would ever admit to being the father.
←Rate | 11-13-2013 21:12 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks that the mother and father bear from Goldilocks and the 3 bears had some relationship issues as evident from the fact that they had separate beds!
←Rate | 10-10-2010 22:36 by Tarwadi Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father of the year hopes and dreams were crushed the moment I joined Facebook.
←Rate | 10-03-2013 13:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon To all the women I've dated. If we have a secret love child together that you never told me about, just have them get me a giftcard for Father's Day. Thanks!
←Rate | 06-18-2011 20:06 by @Nunthewizr Comments (0)  

   messageicon Congrats Khloe Kardashian! You're father was granted parole!
←Rate | 07-20-2017 15:55 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon not sure what's worse.... finding out Darth Vader is your father or remembering that the day before you were trying to f*ck your sister??
←Rate | 10-07-2010 14:54 by levon Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're lucky enough to still have a dad the best Father's Day gift would be to call the guy and ask his advice about something. Anything.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most kids are taught the normal 'Birds and the Bee's'! Not me I was traumatized! My father explained it to me by showing me a male and female outlet. To this day everytime I plug something in I get all worked up And dont let even show me an extension cord
←Rate | 06-15-2012 09:22 by eddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any Woman that keeps her Kid from they Father is a Dead Beat mother too!!!
←Rate | 09-16-2012 02:45 by fadolo Comments (1)  

   messageicon Asked my 65 yr old father if he believed in gay marriage. His response "I saw my friends die for freedom. That means freedom for EVERY American."
←Rate | 03-26-2014 17:19 Comments (4)  

   messageicon I find it fascinating that the Media always has a hard on to ask Ivanka Trump about how HER father treats women .... BUT for some reason NO media outlet whatsoever ...... NEVER asks Chelsea Clinton that. .... Curious isn't it.
←Rate | 07-18-2016 11:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Struggling with Impostor Syndrome a lot lately. I guess I just need to relax, take a breath, and remind myself that my father was the Czar.
←Rate | 04-28-2012 07:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  

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