Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon hunting terrorists with jack bauer be back in 24 hours
←Rate | 06-20-2009 01:38 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
←Rate | 06-20-2009 01:31 by Peebs Comments (0)  


   messageicon dont try to fix me I am not broken
←Rate | 06-20-2009 01:29 by Naman | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon told today that my problem is that I just want my cake and eat it..... Yes. Yes I do. Afterall what good is a god damn cake you can't eat.
←Rate | 06-19-2009 22:38 by ritchie_bonk | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon build a man a fire, and he is warm for one night. SET a man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life!
←Rate | 06-19-2009 21:37 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be nice society already sucks!!!
←Rate | 06-19-2009 21:10 by Z | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon GIve a man a fish & he'll feed himself for a day. Give him a fishing rod & he'll snap it for fire wood. Or trade it for a fish...
←Rate | 06-19-2009 21:08 by Tenacious | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon all men are idiots, and I married their king
←Rate | 06-19-2009 21:05 by Z | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinking - No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.
←Rate | 06-19-2009 21:04 by Z | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon a weapon of mass distraction
←Rate | 06-19-2009 14:41 by anna | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon exercising at work....banging your head against the wall can burn up to 150 calories per hour!
←Rate | 06-19-2009 12:00 by Vitamin N | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon re-doing facebook quiz's, so that he can fudge the results into saying the person he would rather be like.
←Rate | 06-19-2009 11:52 by ritchie_bonk | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon someone needs to tell PETA that the White House is a "NO FLY ZONE".
←Rate | 06-19-2009 09:14 by Scott T Comments (0)  


   messageicon if anyone sleeps with my wife I am shooting their guide dog!
←Rate | 06-19-2009 05:10 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon 's heard about the fountain of youth, he would much prefer there be a fountain of smart.
←Rate | 06-19-2009 03:11 by Ron | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon busier than a one toothed man in a corn on the cob eating contest.
←Rate | 06-19-2009 02:17 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon thought john and kate plus eight was a porno.
←Rate | 06-18-2009 23:13 by mat2sm00th Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nowadays, when I bend down to pick something off the floor, I think to myself, "What else can I do while I'm down here? 'Cuz I ain't making too many more trips."
←Rate | 06-18-2009 15:34 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never been to Long Island... but I've had their ice tea so many times I feel like they owe me bail money.
←Rate | 06-18-2009 15:33 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy candy at the store, I'll drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.
←Rate | 06-18-2009 15:33 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


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