Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon 100% of all divorces are caused by marriage.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 05:07 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon congrats to the NY Steinbrenners for buying....I mean winning the World Series!! Baseball is no longer America's Sport, the NFL is. Learn from them and get a salary cap!
←Rate | 11-05-2009 03:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon in a relationship with Jack Daniels and his half brother Jack Hoff ♥ (its complicated)
←Rate | 11-04-2009 23:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon having humpty dumpty for breakfast
←Rate | 11-04-2009 23:41 by Ben 10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders why everyone on that baseball team is wearing a Jay-Z cap?
←Rate | 11-04-2009 23:39 by Dragon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Later on that night after Greyson was born Andrew and I were sitting alone..and he started to weep..and I asked him why...and he said "I'm do I explain to my son about Milli Vanilli" and I hugged him and told him God will help him find a way..
←Rate | 11-04-2009 22:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..a recent survey shows that 9 out of 10 men prefer big boobs. The 10th man just prefers the other 9 men.
←Rate | 11-04-2009 20:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..walked into a butchers and saw some meat hanging from the ceiling. The butcher said he'd give me $100 if I i could jump up and touch them. I said "no" and he asked why. I said "Because the steaks are too high."
←Rate | 11-04-2009 19:55 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon whispering sweet nothings in your boyfriends we speak
←Rate | 11-04-2009 16:33 by raeanne Comments (0)  

   messageicon you be Burger King, I'll be McDonald's, you'll have it your way,and i'll be lovin it!
←Rate | 11-04-2009 16:24 by raeanne Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been thinking... If poison goes out of date, does it become more or less deadly?
←Rate | 11-04-2009 15:43 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon just became the president of A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.- All American Association Against Acronym And Abbreviation Abuse Anonymous
←Rate | 11-04-2009 15:21 by Shante Comments (0)  

   messageicon quietly confident about his latest 'get rich quick' scheme
←Rate | 11-04-2009 14:25 by Kal-El Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty.
←Rate | 11-04-2009 14:22 by Chachita Comments (0)  

   messageicon Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
←Rate | 11-04-2009 14:05 by Chachita Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why in the hell do I have to press 1 for English and be left on hold for ten minutes to ultimately speak to someone who can't speak English…….someone please explain this….
←Rate | 11-04-2009 11:57 Comments (1)  

   messageicon nobody. NOBODY is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect. So there. Logic and reasoning win again.
←Rate | 11-04-2009 10:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon After much thought and careful consideration, I have come up with a solution to Afghanistan. Instead of sending 40,000 more troops, let's send 40,000 bears.They will naturally migrate to the caves and eat the terrorists hiding out there.Problem Solved!
←Rate | 11-04-2009 10:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7. He replied "I still love Vista, baby".
←Rate | 11-04-2009 10:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember when vampires were scary, and not some twink with six-pack abs.
←Rate | 11-04-2009 10:30 by tomcall Comments (0)  

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