Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5810 of 6369
I asked my son if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back, "capital F!
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06-30-2010 18:40 by Ace
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stayed up half the night waiting for this special lunar eclipse everyone was all excited about...only to find out it was some silly movie. Now I'm tired too...
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06-30-2010 17:58
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Never looking back doesn't make you an optimist, lady, it makes you a horrible driver.
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06-30-2010 17:53 by Joser
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The dog keeps licking his butt and staring at me. I don't feel bad for him though. I tried to give him toilet paper and he ate it.
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06-30-2010 17:53 by Joser
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I wouldn't mind all the diving and faking in soccer if, at random times during each game, a trapdoor opened to a pit of hungry crocodiles.
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06-30-2010 17:52 by Joser
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It's simply way too hot today for me to believe global warming is real.
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06-30-2010 17:52 by Joser
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I'm starting to get a bit worried that Canada isn't going to win the World Cup this year.
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06-30-2010 17:51 by Joser
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I'd still choose rock over paper in a real fight.
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06-30-2010 17:50 by Joser
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Tropical Storm, hurrican Alex, is expected to hit the Gulf of Mexico today/tomorrow. They're saying it may interfer with the cleanup from Bp's oil spill. That's too bad: because it's been going so well.
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06-30-2010 17:48 by xokellyxo
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these keys I hold in my hand open up a very important part of my life,.. your chastity belt
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06-30-2010 17:09
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Maybe its called Eclipse because they plan on playing a better movie over it, like Bob Villas rendition of how long it takes for paint to dry
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06-30-2010 17:08
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determined to slam a revolving door...I will do this!
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06-30-2010 17:04 by J
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The FDA says that airline food is often prepared in unsafe and unsanitary conditions. Otherwise known as "airplanes".
"Cristiano Ronaldo's Spitting Mad at TV Camera after Portugal Exit".............dis shows what a loser he is ..............:P:P:P
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06-30-2010 15:16
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I'm now Getting facebooks requests from my 14yr old sons friends. My girlfriend just called me a M.I.L.F. "Mom I'd like to Facebook"
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06-30-2010 15:12 by BOO
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I went to the movies cause people wanted to see Eclipse, So I slowly covered the projector beam. Caused a riot, at least I got a better show than what that movie would have been.
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06-30-2010 14:22
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figured out how to plug the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico......put a wedding band around it and it will stop putting out
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06-30-2010 14:04 by pizzapal
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Hey girl I want you to lay in my bed and pretend your knees hate eachother
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06-30-2010 13:55
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saw a whino eating grapes. I was like "Whoa, buddy. You have to wait....."
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06-30-2010 12:50 by Jay
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As a white person, I was offended on just how "white" the cast in Twilight Eclipse were.