santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   can't believe Jesus was born on Christmas and died on Easter, what are the odds? still, he accomplished a lot for a four month year old.

   All the Christian festivals revolve around chocolate & presents. Almost as if they're trying to lure kids in for some reason.

   Merry Half-Christmas! Enjoy the holiday, everyone.....

   Insomnia sufferers - look on the bright side..... Only three more sleeps til Christmas

   Dear Santa, please help my dad find some milk and cigarettes so he can finally come home

   Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It's the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!

   A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."

   Good Lord...Pink For Cancer, Red For Cards, Orange for Halloween, and Now Blue for Bullying! October has More damn color in it than a strand of Christmas Lights!

   Dear Santa, the cookies are real,, NOT gluten free, and there's normal mink,, NOT soy milk,,,, so you don't sh *t all over our chimney like last year

   Only 40 days till Christmas... you know what that means? 41 days till I jump back in the dating pool!!

   if you're sad about being single, especially with Christmas around the corner, just remember even Charles Manson found someone to marry him. So there's hope for you yet! Have a good day everybody!!

   Did you know that the average person gains 4 pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Good thing my mom told me I would never be average.

   I can understand the right to protest. What I don't understand is why everyone had Christmas Lists in their hands. Oh yeah..... Looting Monday.....

   Does anyone know when the Christmas Tree lighting ceremony is set for Ferguson this year?

   Lisa in Accounts suggested we play Xmas music in the office. Long story short, she left early due to food poisoning.

   TAMPAX have announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel..this is for the christmas period only!

   Okay Christmas, you're on the clock...

   All I want for christmas is to keep the things i've got.

   This year, I'm thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.

   Calm down with the Christmas music Starbucks, it's only the day after Thanksgiving.