Funny Status Messages

   If a doctor ever prescribed you anti depressants its a great chance you don't need a FaceBook

   very keen on multitasking, and therefore doesn't appreciate being told which electronic products she can or cannot use while in the shower.

   Can't stand when people quote music lyrics in their status. we know how the song goes, we already heard it 500 million times on the radio. but "Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars," "ops I did it again," "somebody call 9

   ..poked in the heart and you're to blame..you give Facebook a bad name..

   dear science, thanks for all your contributions lately, but is there a chance we can get some windshield wiper fluid infused birds anytime soon? Thanks:)

   locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.

   New Word: Procrastibation - Needing to do something important like laundry, but decide that getting off is more important!

   how come vehicle start to break down as soon as you pay them off... Do manufactures click a botton or something???

   St. Anthony just asked me if I have seen his keys...

   I'm in line at "the dollar tree" and a woman grabs a pregnancy test from the "impulse buy" section at the register. Who see's this in line, and thinks..."hey, I could use this for a buck" Your thoughts? Concerns?

   Snap! Crackle! F*ck!? Did I just put something metal in the microwave?

   I want you as much as Lady Gaga wants Alejandro!

   wants the Micro Machines Man to do my eulogy.

   Those that are often disgusted by others are usually most disgusted with themselves. But will rarely admit it.

   Wishing I knew all my Facebook friends....Some seem pretty cool...Sure hope I meet them someday....

   Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made something interesting out of myself

   its official, I'm old. I sat down to use the bathroom this morning and teabaged the toilet water!!

   wondering why brain cells die, skin cells die, your hair follicle die, but fat cells live FOREVER?

   According to some magazine, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it...

   Has come to the conclusion that fruit-loops are just gay cheerios. =)