Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   lamophobia is the new Race Card.

   People hate Trump but they secretly cry and wish they were a Billionaire too

   Aaron Hernandez went from getting 40 million as a tight end, to needing two packs of smokes for a tight end.

   (true story) The neighbor guy stop over to thank me. Every time I'm outside grilling and take my shirt off his wife jumps up and runs outside to "mow the lawn" I thought it was weird that she mowed it twice a week.

   A country song,,, but for how bad country music is.

   Megyn Kelly said "Jesus and Santa Claus are white" well if they weren't they live in Detroit and East St. Louis!

   Obama and Jerry Jones need to get together and figure out what they are doing wrong with America and America's Team.

   The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.

   I had my first gay experience today. I washed the dishes.

   Its not my fault I have a double-chin...when God was giving out chins..I thought he said Gin so I said I'll have a double.

   Behind every successful woman is a man staring at her butt.

   If you think your job stinks, think about the kid that cleans the bathroom at Taco Bell

   Dear Santa, us big girls like toys too just put them in the second drawer of my nightstand!

   Girl I would strap 45 lb plates to my ball sack and swim up the Amazon river with Rosie O'Donnell's queef as my air supply to prove my value to you.

   People say weed smokers are lazy. Well guess what as*holes, the blunt doesn't pass it self. And it sure isn't rolling it self.

   It's a good thing Whoopi Goldberg can use one of her dreads as a tampon if she ever runs out.

   I love yoga pants as much as the next guy, but now I also know that my sister has a great ass.

   Baghdad / Done , Damascus / Under Process - Cairo / Next

   ♬ Boots on the ground, boots on the ground, looking like a fool with boots on the ground! ♬

   When a man talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man it's $3.95 a minute!!