Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So windy in New York, the Statue of Liberty has been caught doing Marilyn Monroe impressions.

   Accidentally ran over a guy and I stopped to call the ambulance but then I saw his ponytail. Now I'm treating myself with ice cream.

   "Together forever" said no sock ever.

   JAB: Well now that there is a prince of Cambridge, I am going to have to claim prince of Somerville before someone else does. .

   I qonder if Shamu and Orca get jealous of Shark week

   My dad used to beat me with a camera. I still get flash backs

   Oh no Chris from Kriss Kross died... You know the 90's rap duo that wore their clothes backwards.... I guess it's down to only Kross Dressing. That's wikkity wikkity wikkity wack!

   It could be worse. Kanye and Kim originally wanted to name the kid Wild Wild.

   if he or she cheats on him or her with you than he or she is going to cheat on you .

   Jesus, Alicia Keys! Are you just going to stand there singing about it, or are you going to help the poor girl?!? GET A BUCKET OF WATER THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!

   Your kid can't walk? Let's have a 5k, that'll make them feel better...

   Future Jobs For Kellyanne Conway: Curator of the Bowling Green Massacre Memorial Museum.

   everytime a news organisation asks either Trump himself or one of his children on any network, they always start with...Well Hillary did this...! GIVE US YOUR POLICIES MR TRUMP instead of shifting the blame.

   Sorry I was so happy about David Koch kicking the bucket. Next time I'll try and be more tactful, like Trump was when McCain died.

   Constitution signed [X] Morons taking over and ruining it [X] ... We gotta fix this country.

   I just read that the Actor who plays Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter said he is going to become a rapper! .... can we all say Expecto Disapointmento!

   The next time I go to chruch.. I'm bringin my own wine and crackers!

   Respect your parents. They pay for your internet

   crap! woke up with a pulse! guess I'm gonna have to work now!

   So April 7th is National Beer Day... I want to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.