Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   (Whitney) Houston, we have a problem.

   so horny that i'm turned on by the crack of dawn

   wishing that girl on Maury would hurry up and find her baby daddy already!

   We should ask Mexico to be our 51st state. We'd have people to do the jobs we don't want to do and would get the jobs back they sent there. Plus, some great real estate!

   you may have won this stare contest... SUN! But I'll definitely be triumphant tomorrow! ...now time for the moon

   If there were no such things as bears,what kind of hugs would we give?

   Jack Frost nipped my nose, so I hit him in the snowballs!

   bored of thinking of funny things to write in status and isn't going to bother this time

   ending every sentence with "I'm Batman" instantly makes everything you say sound bad ass."

   ‎84 yr old Queen Elizabeth just started a facebook page. I'm going to poke her.

   My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

   finds it satisfyingly funny that the initials for Valentine's Day are "V.D."

   Some people wait their entire life for their ship to come in..not realizing that they are standing in an airport...

   Hmmmmm,, You walk to the back of the dry cleaner's,,,,, and it's just a bunch of cats licking your shirts.

   Whoever let women in the army, I salute you. Women on their period, with a gun... Unstoppable!

   Romney or Obama....Romney or Obama. I'm just now getting the chance to vote. I LOVE living in Florida.

   . Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. ; )

   You think Zelda would be a lot more "appreciative" of Link for saving her. The boy went through like 7 dungeons & caves, at least give him the sex he deserves.

   Rule number five... Show no love. Love will get you killed.

   Some People are Morning People, I am a Never People. *