DeAdMaN Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
←Rate | 01-27-2010 10:06 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
←Rate | 01-20-2010 16:16 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon People piss me off like the ones who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
←Rate | 01-21-2010 10:55 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fred Durst is directing a commercial for the dating site eHarmony. If he doesn't use the slogan "Do It For The Nookie" I will be highly disappointed.
←Rate | 05-14-2014 10:03 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 13:57 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a Jedi Master and use the force to open automatic doors like at walmart.
←Rate | 01-22-2010 00:58 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scientists are trying to find new ways to deflect asteroids in case one gets close to hitting Earth. My theory is putting a Cubs uniform on the asteroid would render it incapable of hitting anything.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 08:35 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Holding ALT and pressing F4 will fix all of your facebook problems...Your Welcome :)
←Rate | 09-22-2011 10:05 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.
←Rate | 01-22-2010 01:04 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Water polo? How do they prevent the horses from drowning?
←Rate | 08-09-2016 12:35 by deadman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm glad thought bubbles aren't visible, or else people would think I'm a complete psychopath,
←Rate | 04-02-2012 15:35 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon A pedestrian just hit me and went under my car.
←Rate | 01-27-2010 10:02 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon It'll be 100 years since the R.M.S Titanic sank in five days. Some of the wealthiest people died that day. It was also Tax Deadline Day? Someone didn't pay their taxes......
←Rate | 04-10-2012 09:29 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon So who is going to go see Jaws 19 in 3d with me tonight?
←Rate | 10-21-2015 13:00 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.
←Rate | 01-22-2010 01:03 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I quit my job at the compass factory, I just felt like I needed to go in a new direction.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 11:23 by Deadman Comments (0)  

   messageicon America is no longer the fattest country in the world. That honor belongs to Mexico now. In other news the Twinkie is making an historic comeback. Well played Mexico, Well played indeed!
←Rate | 07-11-2013 09:37 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hope one day The Rock opens a restaurant so I can finally smell......What the Rock is cooking.
←Rate | 04-11-2013 15:15 by Deadman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tyler Perry is among the many Hollywood celebrities facing sexual harassment allegations. Apparently he's been touching Madea for years.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 23:42 by Deadman Comments (0)  


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