Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This status update is not available in your country.

   I wonder what is more of a rarity, a four-leaf clover or a heterosexual cowboys fan?

   You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, "The car behind me is paying for two."

   How many BBQ's do I have to get drunk at to prove I love Australia???

   One day... Facebook, Youtube, Myspace and Friendster will come together as one. It will be called, FookYouMyFriend.

   the hardest part of working in a restaurant is how your throat hurts after spitting in all those orders

   Just saw a baby with a shirt that said, not everything stays in Vegas.

   Buckwheat Word Of The Day: Dictate "I aks Darla wen she give me a bIow job how my dictate."

   I won't believe Obama is black until he shows me his irresponsible father certificate.

   R.I.P. Amanda Todd ..We will miss you . . <----------------

   in bed by 9, and home by 11..

   Thinks Whitney had her own pre-grammy party. grammy of coke, grammy of heroin, grammy of.......

   Today I saw a baby with a bib that said "This dumbass put my cape on backwards."

   • BoyfriEND, girlfriEND, friEND. Everything has an END, except family.

   . Glad trump has not accomplished anything. If he had, we be worse off then we are now.

   Actors like Carrie Fisher claimed Trump would never be their president. I hope the others follow her lead!

   this country is not ran by democracy, but by communism.

   supports the "Obama Is Too Damn High Party"!!!

   Congratulations to Amy Winehouse... on 4 months of sobriety.

   "focus- Oh look, a squirrel! "