Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4704 of 6369
My boss just said can you come in my office. It turns out we meant different things
←Rate |
02-15-2012 10:33 by NB
Comments (0)
my car has hair growing out of the tires, is that ok??
←Rate |
02-16-2012 12:54
Comments (0)
brains are like modems....some people can think fast like they are high speed internet....some ppl are slow thinkers like they are dial-up....other ppl have lost connection
←Rate |
02-16-2012 21:11 by Eddy
Comments (0)
a cheap little bb gun, sometimes it shoots to the right, sometimes it shoots to the left, and sometime it doesn't work at all. Kinda like a politician!
←Rate |
02-18-2012 15:34
Comments (0)
My right hand dumped me and my left hand found someone else.
←Rate |
02-19-2012 15:58 by Mickey
Comments (0)
My kids got in a fist fight while playing one of those claw machines at the pizza joint & sh@t like that is why I'm never sober.
←Rate |
02-20-2012 12:23 by fadolo
Comments (0)
If you ever had two phone lines in the 90s, one just for the internet, then you might still be addicted to the internet.
←Rate |
02-24-2012 00:59
Comments (0)
It takes 17 muscles to smile, 43 to frown and 0 to not give a damn.
←Rate |
02-27-2012 09:26 by Czovczov
Comments (0)
I got stopped by a lady doing a survey today. She said, "What household chore annoys you the most?" I said, "Having to turn down the telly to tell my wife to do the hoovering."
"It's not you, it's me." Man I hate sorting out photos with my twin brother.
will be sponsoring a 0.25 mile fun run to raise awareness for people that I wish would just GO AWAY! I'm calling it the Kardashian Dash!
←Rate |
03-03-2012 16:14 by Maureen
Comments (0)
Houston we are ready for lunch -Hilarious NASA launch technician that everyone hates
←Rate |
03-08-2012 18:49
Comments (0)
Sad thing about the Twitter and Facebook youth = Draw Something lasted longer than #Kony2012
←Rate |
03-11-2012 05:01 by HiYourJon
Comments (0)
I use sarcasm because beating the crap out of people is in fact frowned upon in most societies
←Rate |
03-14-2012 07:09 by Weeg
Comments (0)
In our "family" NCAA Final Four Challenge, my 9 year old has won the last 2 years. Is it wrong that I just copied her bracket right after she went to bed?
There's a difference between being funny and being annoying.
←Rate |
03-15-2012 13:22 by Nobody
Comments (0)
I proposed to myself at a restaurant last night and not a single person clapped... heartless b@stards!
←Rate |
03-15-2012 15:46
Comments (0)
I wish I had a Strategic Beer Reserve to tap into.
I was watching the news & saw poor people being busted for illegal mood-altering drugs. Then came all those commercials for the legal ones.
My update for the week. See you next week.
←Rate |
03-18-2012 23:34 by mtravica
Comments (0)