Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Ladies; Your eyebrows will either make you or break you. 
Erasers can be your best friend and be like "Oh hey, you need this erased? No problem, I got you." While other times, they can be like"OH HEY I THINK YOUR PAPER NEEDS A SMUDGE RIGHT HERE, LET ME TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU".
I hope one day you will grow older than your ego.
uuuggg one of these days I would like to wake up independantly wealthy so I can go back to bed!
If opposites attract I am obviously looking for a noble prize winner who isn't awesome!
that moment when you're dancing like a mad man in your car and completely stop when another car pulls next to you
imagine asking the incredible hulk to open a pickle jar?
My boss just said can you come in my office. It turns out we meant different things
my car has hair growing out of the tires, is that ok??
brains are like modems....some people can think fast like they are high speed internet....some ppl are slow thinkers like they are dial-up....other ppl have lost connection
a cheap little bb gun, sometimes it shoots to the right, sometimes it shoots to the left, and sometime it doesn't work at all. Kinda like a politician!
My right hand dumped me and my left hand found someone else.
My kids got in a fist fight while playing one of those claw machines at the pizza joint & sh@t like that is why I'm never sober.
If you ever had two phone lines in the 90s, one just for the internet, then you might still be addicted to the internet.
It takes 17 muscles to smile, 43 to frown and 0 to not give a damn.
I got stopped by a lady doing a survey today. She said, "What household chore annoys you the most?" I said, "Having to turn down the telly to tell my wife to do the hoovering."
"It's not you, it's me." Man I hate sorting out photos with my twin brother.
will be sponsoring a 0.25 mile fun run to raise awareness for people that I wish would just GO AWAY! I'm calling it the Kardashian Dash!
Houston we are ready for lunch -Hilarious NASA launch technician that everyone hates
Sad thing about the Twitter and Facebook youth = Draw Something lasted longer than #Kony2012 