Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How come everyone post their problems when 2:00am comes, but nobody post how horny they are.

   Really not sure it Kinect for X-Box is the greatest idea for a society who already has a problem with laziness. If you want to use your entire body to play sports...then just play sports!

   "You can't see London. You can't see France, until we see your underpants." -TSA

   I'm sorry for doing a slow clap after you told me your boyfriend broke up with you

   I'm not worried about God judging me. He's too busy judging the rest of you b@stards.

   Mayans=Early Mexicans. A culture who couldn't come up with a cuisine that went beyond using the same 7 ingredients, yet alone calculate the end of time.

   Well happy new year to you all mine friends wish you all the best for 2013..

   You shouldn't have to "arm" teachers in school... but reality is people are freaking crazy. the big "what if" is it would prevent a lot of casualties... It's better to have something, than nothing...

   For how long are we going to ignore the problem of overpopulation on this planet as access to resources and jobs becomes harder and harder by the day?

   In my day, no one checked how old you were when you started kindergarten. We got left at the door and told to look 5.

   If it's good news, I'm taking all the credit. If it's bad news, I'm blaming others.

   Pity Donald Trump never considered building a wall around his trousers.

   I put my phone on "Airplane Mode" and threw it in the air! ...Worst transformer ever.

   Go to google, type in 'giraffes are' and check out the auto complete suggestions...

   Obama is going to announce a new plan to get Americans back to work but it won't air until after Labor day.

   I'm not a Gynacologist, But i'll have a look.

   Casey Anthony turned up missing after being released from jail....Florida police plan on sending officers to investigate it----In 31 days.

   With the way he supports them, I won't be surprised if Obama admits that he is also gay!

   BREAKING NEWS!! As a result of the tsunami that hit Hawaii, Barack Obama's birth certificate was finally FOUND... Washed up on shore!! ;)

   Breaking news: Obama to hire George Zimmerman as the new director of Homeland security.