Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4503 of 6446

FREEBIRD! (When you purchase a bird of equal or lesser value.)

My marriage is very successful because my spouse has not left me yet...
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05-06-2012 06:03 by better
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Shouldn't we really wait to hear from Adele's ex boyfriend before we take sides?..
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05-28-2012 06:21 by snotty
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Party ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ at my __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡......
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05-28-2012 19:19 by fadolo
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Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition..
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06-14-2012 17:42
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Camping is a great way to show people that you hate your own home but can't afford a decent hotel.
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06-19-2012 08:45 by SEAN
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I've definitely got an LOL addiction. I can't stop texting, typing, even saying it sometimes...I need help. LOL
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03-08-2012 23:53
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I was violently beating this guy with a club when I realized, "I can find a better weapon than this stupid poker card"
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03-16-2012 13:58 by Czovczov
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I just misspelled a word so badly,, that autocorrect shut my phone off and gave me explosive diarrhea.
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03-19-2012 00:15 by snotty
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Apparently, the answer to WWJD is ……hire Peyton Manning.

My girlfriend is leaving me because I'm obsessed with nike.. I looked her dead in the eyes and said "just do it"
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04-01-2012 20:27
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If you watch Titanic backwards it's about a magical ship that saves people
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04-06-2012 12:25
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richardmooney26 is George Zimmerman hiding... nowhere to go.. sh*t to do...
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04-09-2012 21:36 by Zummerman
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some girls beg, and some girls borrow. some bring joy some bring sorrow. but the best girls suck and swallow
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03-19-2016 05:38
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9 out of 10 men prefer women, and that other guy, well he prefers one of those 9 men.
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03-21-2016 14:33 by John Y
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This time can Ben Affleck stay behind instead so we can find a suitable Batman?
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11-14-2014 00:00 by eengrms
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Either legalize weed or illegalize feelings
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12-18-2013 11:55
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"Duck Tales" is the original duck dynasty.
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12-23-2013 13:23
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I'm deaming of a white Christmas......but if the white runs out, I'll drink the Red.
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12-24-2013 15:11
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I bet Tom Hanks sends a letter to The Academy Awards this year that he signs "Sincerely, T. Hanks for nothing"
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01-16-2014 22:19 by snotty
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