Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon FREEBIRD! (When you purchase a bird of equal or lesser value.)
←Rate | 01-20-2012 01:51 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon My marriage is very successful because my spouse has not left me yet...
←Rate | 05-06-2012 06:03 by better Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shouldn't we really wait to hear from Adele's ex boyfriend before we take sides?..
←Rate | 05-28-2012 06:21 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Party ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ at my __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡......
←Rate | 05-28-2012 19:19 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition..
←Rate | 06-14-2012 17:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Camping is a great way to show people that you hate your own home but can't afford a decent hotel.
←Rate | 06-19-2012 08:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've definitely got an LOL addiction. I can't stop texting, typing, even saying it sometimes...I need help. LOL
←Rate | 03-08-2012 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was violently beating this guy with a club when I realized, "I can find a better weapon than this stupid poker card"
←Rate | 03-16-2012 13:58 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just misspelled a word so badly,, that autocorrect shut my phone off and gave me explosive diarrhea.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 00:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, the answer to WWJD is ……hire Peyton Manning.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 23:49 by @gnarleycharley Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend is leaving me because I'm obsessed with nike.. I looked her dead in the eyes and said "just do it"
←Rate | 04-01-2012 20:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you watch Titanic backwards it's about a magical ship that saves people
←Rate | 04-06-2012 12:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon richardmooney26 is George Zimmerman hiding... nowhere to go.. sh*t to do...
←Rate | 04-09-2012 21:36 by Zummerman Comments (0)  


   messageicon some girls beg, and some girls borrow. some bring joy some bring sorrow. but the best girls suck and swallow
←Rate | 03-19-2016 05:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 9 out of 10 men prefer women, and that other guy, well he prefers one of those 9 men.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 14:33 by John Y Comments (0)  


   messageicon This time can Ben Affleck stay behind instead so we can find a suitable Batman?
←Rate | 11-14-2014 00:00 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Either legalize weed or illegalize feelings
←Rate | 12-18-2013 11:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Duck Tales" is the original duck dynasty.
←Rate | 12-23-2013 13:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm deaming of a white Christmas......but if the white runs out, I'll drink the Red.
←Rate | 12-24-2013 15:11 Comments (3)  


   messageicon I bet Tom Hanks sends a letter to The Academy Awards this year that he signs "Sincerely, T. Hanks for nothing"
←Rate | 01-16-2014 22:19 by snotty Comments (0)  




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