Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4472 of 6446

The side effects of the medicine I'm on include nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, repeating things four times & difficulty adding.
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11-18-2012 22:47 by BEGO
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soccer is way more fun to watch when you pretend the ref really wants to play but is too scared to touch the ball
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10-08-2012 06:29
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Looking back on my time taking flight lessons,, I realize why I could never be a pilot. Not because I'm afraid to fly or couldn't handle instructions from the tower,,, but because I kept making machine gun noises at EVERYTHING I saw.
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10-13-2012 09:03 by snotty
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Just bought a Hyundai but it's sonota big deal.

Santa, you either take my name off the Naughty list, or I show Mrs. Claus those pictures of you with that little blonde elf that works in the Doll department!
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12-19-2012 18:45 by Romeo
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God exists because without God, there'd be no devil and I was married to the devil.
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04-23-2013 13:10
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God exists because without God, there'd be no devil and I was married to the devil.
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04-23-2013 13:10
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I hope Manti's girlfriend likes San Diego.
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04-27-2013 08:10 by mike
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Confusion: Father's day in the ghetto
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05-02-2018 02:34 by Shain1976
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"Why is it that a insecure person(d.j.t.) needs to express their accomplishments that they never accomplished.
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07-16-2018 14:44
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I tried having a personal relationship with God. But he said he only liked me as a friend.
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07-23-2020 08:24 by MigdaGwig
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I don't know about you, but I think Kanye still has a chance.
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11-10-2020 08:25 by Fazzy
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*the year 2050,,,,,, "Grandpa, how did Trump ever get elected? ".... Well, we were a bit distracted, That was the year that adult coloring books came out
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08-01-2016 11:11 by snotty
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One good thing about this winter snow storm, is it makes my lawn look as good as my neighbors.

Ben of Ben & Jerry’s has come out with an ice cream inspired by Bernie Sanders. A carton costs $3.99 but when you include tax, it’s $200 million.
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01-26-2020 08:57
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The people in 1920 probably thought in 2020 we would have our own space ships and robots... but no. So far we've come up with two-sided tape and rubber bands shaped like animals.
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02-04-2020 20:55 by Fazzy
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The Media in a nutshell... On the Flu: "It's going around." On the Coronavirus: It's coming after you, and it's coming hard! Bet on it!"
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03-16-2020 14:18 by Fazzy
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FOX News compares the confederate monuments to the 9/11 memorials.....Okay, if you say so. They're FOX News, they are always right, right?
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09-11-2017 14:04
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I was at the park flying my kite and this random guy came up to me and said "You flying a kite?" I replied "Nah I'm fishing for birds"
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03-17-2011 04:21
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The Pet Shop Boys have finished their first ballet score. Which answers the question as to how their music could possibly be any more gay.
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03-19-2011 18:19
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