Fazzy Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My concerns with anything having to do with the Royal Family ended in 1776.
←Rate | 01-15-2020 16:50 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people in 1920 probably thought in 2020 we would have our own space ships and robots... but no. So far we've come up with two-sided tape and rubber bands shaped like animals.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 20:55 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't believe I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this without being on any medication.
←Rate | 01-07-2020 06:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Between diet soda, the Impossible Whopper and non-dairy creamer, our foods have become more fake than our online personas.
←Rate | 12-02-2019 06:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn't actually bother me much that I'll keep forgetting to write 2020 on my checks. What does bother me, is that it's 2020 and I'm still writing checks.
←Rate | 01-04-2020 19:49 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Prepare yourself. The family Christmas pajama pics are headed your way.
←Rate | 12-25-2019 11:09 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Divorce Log: December 16, 2005 ME: Is this new bed I got us great or what!!! Wife: Uh... NO! ME: (looking down from top bunk) Why not?
←Rate | 12-16-2019 04:15 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dated a woman who punched me in the face ever time she'd climax. I freaked when I discovered she was faking them.
←Rate | 12-09-2019 05:06 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back in 11th grade, a guy bugged me about his getting 10 times more girls than I got. I didn't care since 10x0 was still 0.
←Rate | 02-01-2020 05:32 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've resigned myself to the fact that if I start now, I'll have all my Christmas lights untangled and ready to go by December 24th.
←Rate | 02-17-2020 08:01 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got one of those Instant Pot gadgets for Christmas. What a load of BS. 3 days now and it hasn't produced any weed whatsoever. Instant Pot my eye.
←Rate | 12-28-2019 06:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a woman sends me a "Hey there, good lookin" message, you can be assured she sent it to five other guys too. Kidding. She sent it to me by mistake.
←Rate | 12-09-2019 06:56 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It finally dawned on me why I was bad at math. I noticed during school lunch that my sandwiches were only cut in half. The smart kids' sandwiches were cut into trapezoids and parallelograms.
←Rate | 01-08-2020 17:16 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once had a dog who was the best watchdog ever. Well, he WOULDA been if a vacuum cleaner broke into the house.
←Rate | 01-13-2020 03:33 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Superbowl halftime show will go down in history as "The Vag Chronicles."
←Rate | 02-03-2020 06:37 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite Christmas song is whichever one comes on right after Feliz Navidad.
←Rate | 12-19-2019 19:59 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Folks who cheat on their taxes distress me greatly. This is NOT the world in which I want to raise my 26 dependents.
←Rate | 02-02-2020 16:40 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stay tuned, folks... it's getting close to my, "It's a New Year, It's A New Me" delusional time again.
←Rate | 12-14-2019 10:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon How in the world can I make wise life choices when I still use my fingers to add, sing the alphabet to see which letter comes next and think that BBQ potato chips are actually cooked on a BBQ?
←Rate | 12-12-2019 06:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sick of people contradicting me when I insist that there IS such a thing as an emotional support lasagna.
←Rate | 01-06-2020 06:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  




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