Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just want to point out to you all that Cinderella is living proof that shoes CAN change your life!..just saying...

   ‎"Oh my god, they have Rolling Rock??!!" - said by maybe 2 or 3 people a year.

   Quote of the night. "Sex dolls are not meant for speed."

   I have beaten so many Japanese people tonight on Mario Kart Wii that they are going to start referring to me as Godzilla

   A slut can't count to 70 because her mouth is full at 69

   sex is my favorite sport

   doesnt get it...Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

   The sincerest form of flattery is a steamroller

   Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long for fat people.

   This girl I know is having a baby shower at McDonallds hahahahah this isn't a joke....I wish it was but it's not

   Marijuana: The reason man discovered fire

   Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate rhyming. PENlS.

   "Canadians are so polite" - people who have obviously never been to Canada

   M.A.G.A: My Attorney Got Arrested

   PRO TIP: You Can't be under FBI investigation if there's no FBI Director.

   "Sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head." — John. F. Kennedy

   Due to social correctness, BIack Sabbath will now be called, "A Dark Shade Of The Day Of Rest."

   Whats the similarity between Men and Rats? They all run around looking for Holes

   hates the KKK as much as anyone... but it is kinda neat that they introduced "hoodies" to American fashion.

   Justin Bieber the only daughter that Mr. & Mrs. Bieber have?