thejoke.cafe Funny Status Messages
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When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight,… to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
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My dad told me that my great grandfather knew the exact hour of the exact day of the exact year he was going to die. I said, “that’s amazing how the hell did he know all that?” My dad replied, “the judge told him.”
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Facebook, making people who would’nt talk in the street wish each other Happy Birthday since 2004.
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I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
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Cheer Up Hillary Clinton. Nelson Mandela wasn’t elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.
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Kanye West is said to be recovering well in hospital after an 8 hour operation to remove his head from his ass.
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My wife threatened to leave me if I didn’t stop with the endless flamingo impressions. So I had to put my foot down.
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Kanye West 'hospitalised in Los Angeles'. Our thoughts and prayers go out at this difficult time to the hospital staff.
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Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
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Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf... but he didn't listen.
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I’m just a social drinker. Every time someone says, “I’ll have a drink”, I say, “Social I.”
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After dating for 2 months she wanted to meet my parents. I said baby chill...I waited 9 months to meet my own.
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Thank God the American Elections are over. Now the rest of the world can go back to hating their own politicians.
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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
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My girlfriend was complaining that I never buy her flowers. I didn’t even know she sold them.
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Do gun manuals have a "trouble shooting?" section?
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It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most …
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Kim Kardashian held at gunpoint and made to put her clothes back on.
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I think I promised to have three beers, and be home by ten. I always get those two mixed up.
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If you want to work for a company that makes moisturiser, the best thing to do is to apply daily.
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