Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Mclovin' it.

   Obama: I like Coke. Fox News: Obama has declared war on Pepsi.

   I just wanted to let everyone to know - yesterday I received my Obama stimulus package for 2010. It contained two watermelon seeds, cornbread mix, and 10 coupons to KFC. The directions were in Spanish. Hope you get yours soon!

   Who else thinks the U.S. Marine jailed in Mexico would be getting a lot more attention from the U.S. government if he looked like Obama's son...if he had a son?

   Today is Independence Day. The day when Americans show their deepest gratitude to Will Smith and remember all the men, woman and children killed in that horrific alien invasion.

   Police in Texas seized thousands of ecstasy tablets with pictures of Obama's face on them. Drug dealers chose Obama because the pills make you feel hope and change and then send you off to a faraway place.

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   Almost time for the "Teleprompters State of the union speech".

   Hey Muslims, if you want 72 virgins just go to your local cinema today for a Twilight showing and you'll have plenty to choose from.

   If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? America!

   This leftist boycott of Chick FiL A is the first actual economic stimulus of the Obama era........

   If anyone believes Osama Bin Laden was really buried at sea, I have a bridge in New York I want to sell you.

   If a person has an imaginary friend, it's crazy. If several people have the same imaginary friend, it's religion.

   the girl told me she loves baby showers so I jizzed on her face totally misunderstood

   wondering ... When Weird Al Yankovic dies, will they do a parody of Michael Jackson's memorial?

   The Biden crowd has Helen Keller Syndrome. Facts fall on deaf ears, dumb reasoning and blind eyes.

   My wife was killed yesterday, I'll never forget her last words... 'Make your own sandwich!'

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you're good. Fool me four times, WOW! Did you major in fooling?

   Let this stupid kid out that likes his own post for 100 tiimes and bring the funny ones back.. f this kid....

   Gas is $4.39 a gallon.... And girls think we're coming over to Just chill???