Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wonderong how long you should wait before you should tell a highway it's adopted

   You looked good until you said something stupid!!!

   Im better at sex than anyone; now all I need is a partner.

   If I were to go to hell, it would take at least a week to realize I wasn't at work.

   I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

   I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

   Never, ever make absolute, unconditional statements.

   Have you ever noticed that Octo Mom; Nadya Suleman's mought looks and acts like the Jokers mouth from The Dark Knight -- Batman?

   On Facebook I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry... when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.

   at the circus watching a guy shoot out of a cannon. I thought, "Half of me wants to do that sometime.". Then I thought, "Half of me already did do that the day I was conceived!"

   One day you're going to look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

   I enjoy working out at the gym. It helps me to know that other people are suffering with me!

   Let's chug on down to Mambie-Pambie Land where we can MAYBE get you some Self-Confidence.... YOU JackWagon!!! (TISSUE??)

   Stop laughing at Ziggy. He obviously has a medical condition.

   Went to a restaurant... the drinks waiter gave me drinks, the food waiter gave me food. ... then the Head waiter came over....

   WOOP WOOP! *HI-5* to the facebook developers, adding in *BLOCK EVENT INVITES* and not only a *BLOCK APPLICATIONS* section. YEWWW! it's going from SPAMBOOK back to FACEBOOK! to all my friends that are promoters. GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT!!! hahaha SUCKERS!

   Sharkweek is over, jackass. Humming the theme song to 'Jaws' when the boss is approaching our aisle is no longer funny.

   1/20/13 The End Of An Error

   Women do NOT sleep when we guys go out at night, it's like TV you switch it off and it stays on stand-by!

   doesn't believe you should get so caught up in avoiding lightning, that you miss the storm...