Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   After a some thought, I am thinking I would LOVE to hear a phone taped conversation between Rod Blagojevich and Mel Gibson!

   once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

   This week the California gay marriage ban Proposition 8 was struck down the same day as the new 2011 IKEA catalog was unveiled. Coincidence?

   Future Quotes, Quotations & Sayings I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

   Gray hair is God's Graffiti.... Then the Big Guy's been scribbling all over my melon like a newbie gang initiate.

   SHOPPERS: Bored with writing lists for that weekly shop? Simply find discarded lists in trolleys/baskets, and use them! Its spiced up my life.....

   thinks the best part about his job is that her chair spins!

   I went to the lundromat where there was a sign that read: "Remove clothes immediatley when the buzzer rings!" Needless to say my astonishment when A: I realize I'm the only one in the place naked and B:I was getting tossed out by management!

   just like the rent, too damn high.

   About that pumpkin.. line the cut edges with cooking oil to keep that jack-o'-lantern fresh for a longer time.

   The deaf can now also enjoy phone sex......... by texting

   You should consider buying a new car when you have to rearrange the seats whenever you hit a pothole.

   screaming obscenities at my computer because my essay is due tomorrow and it just crashed.  My name is X, and Windows 7 was my idea.

   Where would the world be without music?

   Bought a dog that gives up chasing a cat after about 10 seconds. So I'm calling it Quits.

   n't the problem with political jokes the fact that they keep getting re-elected? (

   I hope South Pole doesn't respond to increased North Pole activity with military exercises. Everybody settle down.

   I'm not a doctor, I just play one on the internet

   The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

   Has not been hitting a lot of homeruns here lately but is swinging a big bat..