Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Gays are from UrAnus

   Why did the blackman buy a old police car ??....So he could sit in the front for a change...

   Sarah Palin has a new reality TV show. Now all she has to do is enter reality.

   trying to think whether i've been naughty or nice this year but the screaming slaves in my basement are distracting me.

   While reading graffiti on a bathroom stall, at a truck stop... It dawned on me, rednecks created Twitter years ago!

   Give a man a fish, he will eat. Give a man religion, he will serve praying for a fish to eat.

   I'm sure all the cold water dumping videos have just about cured cancer...

   I'm pretty sure Subway sandwiches increase in value after the sandwich artist dies.

   Q. What causes men to cheat? A. Women

   Not to be insensitive, but this oil spill better not affect my access to delicious pelican meat.

   Man made alcohol, God made marijuana, who are you going to trust?

   been talking to some friends about starting a Black Eye Peas tribute band....we're going to call ourselves Black Guy Pees

   wonders why we worry about 12 inches of snow when we are all at least 5 feet tall or so..we'll be ok

   thinks life is pleasant, death is peacefull... it's the transition that is troublesome.

   its not team edward or Jacob its team necrophilliac or team beastiality

   In these times, when a celebrity cheats on his wife with multiple women, he gets criticized and exploited everywhere. Back in the founding father days, a man cheats and his face ends up on the 1, 5, 10, 20, 50, and 100 dollar bill.

   Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted.

   Poor planning on your part does not make it is an emergency on my part.

   Halloween is a great time to get rid of any expired or unused meds.

   Hillary and Trump already won. It's already been decided by the Illuminati and the lizard people from the center of the earth.