Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Let's leave Trump in the rear view mirror and get to work putting our country back in order.

   I'll start respecting religion when it starts respecting every human being equally regardless of race, gender, & sexuality.

   Muhammad Ali vs. Michael J. Fox - The Quickest Game of Jenga Ever

   Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

   There are kinds of countries. Those that use the metric system, and those that have walked on the moon

   If Hell does exist, there are so many brilliant scientists in there it is probably air-conditioned by now...

   hey alcohol is a compound not a solution, guess you should have paid more attention in chemistry clss huh?

   whenever I walk onto a room the first thing that comes to my head is "I'm better than everyone in here"

   fighting the financial crisis

   what do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? full

   Women are like computers....... They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

   Monica Lewinsky turned 46. Seems like yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees..

   "May the LORD, the God of your fathers, increase you a thousand times and bless you as he has promised!" Deuteronomy 1:11

   Gay Drive by: They pull up in a pink ford focus, Throw skittles and shout "TASTE THE RAINBOW BIT$H!"

   You can take the "trash" out of the trailer, but you can't take the "trailer" out of the trash.

   Darth Vader: "Here, I made you some toast." ___Luke: "It's a little on the dark side." ___Vader: ".?." ___Luke: "Lol"___ Vader: "Lol"

   and that ladies and gentlemen is why I have never and will never like the Israeli government.

   You forcefully uprooted them from their home in Africa to use them as slaves just because you were too lazy to do your own chores. You reap what you sow.

   If Hillary was President, Air Force One would be a Broomstick.

   The fact that Danica Patrick finished 8th, and is the most talked about driver in the Daytona 500 proves that no one actually cares about this silly non-sport.