Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Remember,,,, there is no I in denial

   Happy Mardi Gras Everyone! now show me your boobs!!!! :)

   For those of you that were wondering about my brackets: [ ] { } [ ] { } and [ ] { }

   Easter reminds me of how boring my death will probably be.

   My 2013 resolution is for everyone else to gain 50 pounds.

   found out through fb hockey is back... I never knew it was gone

   Life Fact #37: it's impossible to have a bad day when you're wearing 'Hello Kitty' underpants ツ

   Getting a guy to walk me home and then stabbing him will never get old.

   There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.

   Dos Equis: Death once had a "near him" experience.

   Dear Lord please help me be strong enough not to share my political views on Facebook so I do not offend half the people I know. Amen. There I said it. Go Broncos!!!!

   Don't get my attitude confused with my personality. My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are.

   I love spending money as much as my government does.

   So they legalize marijuana and then get rid of Twinkies? Is our government playing some kind of cruel joke on us?

   Depressed from all the bad news? Just imagine Ozzy Osbourne struggling to pour a giant jar of change into a Coinstar.

   My 2yo is super bossy. He is telling everyone what to do. Oh I gotta go he said I have to get off the computer...

   did you know racecar spelled backwards is racecar

   ohhh I have 2 headaches, and being a guy I can only supply enough blood to one of them..... sigh

   Just saw a Comercial were they made snuggies for dogs....What has the world come too?

   Motorola is coming out with a new droid phone called the Kobe... conversely, they are also coming out with the Lebron phone too, except the only difference is it doesn't RING.