Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The oriental man next door is SO nice!! he just came and asked if he could Wok my dog!! I was like "sure, I'll get the leash" Must have went a long ways, he still hasn't brought my dog back and it's been 3 days....

   Jobless claims went down this month only after the Obama administration laid-off California.

   Someone once told me "you'll never gonna forget me". I don't remember who that was.

   thnks you can observe alot just by watching

   Nothing good can come from marrying a guy named Jesse James.

   If you say “gullible” slow enough…it sounds like “orange”!

   I like my coffee so dark it gets beaten up by the police.

   Here's what's happened in Wisconsin. The people who earn the money to pay these public sector workers -- for the first time -- have somebody representing them.

   I'm proud to be an infidel

   Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door..... But his girlfriend was dead against it

   wouldnt be caught dead with a necrophiliac!

   Babe, I can't promise you that you won't have problems in your life...but I can promise you that you'll never have to face them alone..

   If I buy a teddy bear for $5, name it Mohammed and sell it for $10, have I made of prophet?

   Chinese food to go: $17.95. Gas to go get it $1.50. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.

   I'm a firm believer in the separation of church and Earth.

   This country needed a good weeding out. And Trump is the one who brought the weed whacker.

   Dear chicken, please cook yourself and jump into my mouth. thank you

   Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot? 53 Mexicans were killed. The occupants in the other car were uninjured.

   Sarah Palin for President in 2012......The real end of the world.

   Since 1944, we've only raised taxes on the rich twice—in 1992 and 1994. The result? 23 million new jobs