Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Note to self: Try not to run out of TP the day after thankgiving....Now I'm gonna need a 40 ounce beer and a few "disco biscuits" to deal with all these "Black Friday" freaks!

   Who wears the pants in the relationship? No one when it all goes well ;)

   People who make noises with their chewing gum should be put to death. I just decided.

   I'm not a ra*cist,,,,ra*cism is a crime and crime is only for blacks.

   terrified of being offline

   I hate the feel of wrinkly hands in the bath. Grandad's pretty persistent though.

   give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, give a man a religeon, he'll starve to death praying for a fish

   due to the economic crisis is now only "pimping his profile".

   Ur mama is so ugly when she walks past the bathroom the toilet flushes itself.

   Never date a tennis player; to them love means nothing.

   wonders why it is "cool" to throw up the PEACE sign in pictures? You look retarded with your head twisted to the side and holding up the peace sign...

   Dr. Phil and Oprah..two of the most over-rated influences on America EVER!!!!!

   I got a dig bick. You this read wrong. You read that wrong too.

   Scientists says the world is made of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons.... I think they forgot to mention Morons

   Unemployment is up but so are Michelle Obama's BANGS.....

   I am terrified of women who refer to pets as their "kids" and themselves as "mommy"

   I ordered a pizza for dinner. The pizza guy says "Do you want it cut into 6 slices or 8 slices?" I said "Better make it 6. I don't think I can eat 8."

   At the end of the day Canada is still just Canada.

   Look at the evil people in the world, Saddam Hussein, Hitler, Stalin what do they all have in common? Mustaches

   I want anything with a Yankee emblem on it taken down for I am offended..