Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My Syria plan: Give weapons to both sides. Let them annihilate each other. Smoke a cigar with Benjamin Netanyahu....

   so Obama wins again.....just goes to prove that once you go black you can't go back!

   when you think your life sucks, just remember that somewhere in the world is one poor b*stard named Mr. Pelosi....

   What kind of bees produce milk? B O O B I E S ( . )( . )

   I'm not worried about the Zombie apocalypse that is coming. I'm worried about the Libtard apocalypse that is here now.

   Santa is a Republican 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   I changed my FB profile pic for the France flag. Terrorism defeated.

   no letters were harmed in the making of this status update....okay, maybe the letter E's got stabbed but they had it coming....

   So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."

   Dear mom,, I hear babies rip your hoo hoo monster and turn it purple... Hope this card makes up for that.

   THIS JUST IN: CHILD ACTOR BUCKWHEAT HAS CONVERTED HIS RELIGION TO ISLAM. HE WILL NOW GO BY THE NAME, "KAREEM OF WHEAT''. FILM AT ELEVEN.

   No facebook, I wanna know what's on your mind!

   I'm going to rename my iPhone "virginity", so I can run up and down halls screaming "I lost my virginity!!" several times a year.

   Saw a vulture hauling a carcass across the highway. Thought of you Nancy.

   Obama should resign a day early to make Biden the 45th president just to ruin all of Trump's merchandise.

   A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

   wants to remind all you out there that the proper way to annunciate it is "ValentiNes day" - not valentiMes day

   a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never hear the end of it

   people are really clever on facebook they always now what day it is and they always want to tell you its friday

   NASCAR....Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks