Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Never trust a dog to guard your food. 
Somewhere in London, a princess is pooping on a delivery table. Just keeping it real, folks.
It’s almost August and I’ve accomplished nothing.
I'm running out of people I can tolerate!
In lieu of the formal presidential debates,,, Let's just play Micheal Jackson's "Beat It",,, and eliminate the candidate that claps on 1 and 3
To me, both Presidential candidates seem kinda limp. I think the United States may be suffering from electile dysfunction ツ
Just lookin' for some nice buns! You know, something that won't make my wiener look small!!
My Syria plan: Give weapons to both sides. Let them annihilate each other. Smoke a cigar with Benjamin Netanyahu....
so Obama wins again.....just goes to prove that once you go black you can't go back!
when you think your life sucks, just remember that somewhere in the world is one poor b*stard named Mr. Pelosi....
What kind of bees produce milk? B O O B I E S ( . )( . )
I'm not worried about the Zombie apocalypse that is coming. I'm worried about the Libtard apocalypse that is here now.
Santa is a Republican 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.
I changed my FB profile pic for the France flag. Terrorism defeated.
no letters were harmed in the making of this status update....okay, maybe the letter E's got stabbed but they had it coming....
So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."
Dear mom,, I hear babies rip your hoo hoo monster and turn it purple... Hope this card makes up for that.
THIS JUST IN: CHILD ACTOR BUCKWHEAT HAS CONVERTED HIS RELIGION TO ISLAM. HE WILL NOW GO BY THE NAME, "KAREEM OF WHEAT''. FILM AT ELEVEN.
No facebook, I wanna know what's on your mind!
I'm going to rename my iPhone "virginity", so I can run up and down halls screaming "I lost my virginity!!" several times a year. 