eviLyyaR Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I get nervous after taking time off work that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
←Rate | 08-24-2013 14:07 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon I play hopscotch all the time! I also play hopvodka, hoprum, and hoptequila.
←Rate | 09-10-2013 13:11 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon Judging by my friends getting married, finding your soulmate must make you fat.
←Rate | 08-24-2013 14:21 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes when I get lonely I lie on Facebook and tell everyone to text me cuz I lost my phone.
←Rate | 05-20-2013 07:13 by eviLyyaR Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
←Rate | 09-10-2013 12:57 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon One man’s trash is another man’s daughter.
←Rate | 09-10-2013 12:59 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey, Apple: Don't waste my time with this iPhone 5S unless it's learned that nobody's ever typing "ducking he'll."
←Rate | 09-10-2013 12:50 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon In my opinion, my opinion is so much better than your opinion!
←Rate | 09-10-2013 13:02 by evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon My life coach just asked me to leave because apparently she has "other pedicures to do" and doesn't "speak English"!
←Rate | 05-20-2013 07:15 by eviLyyaR Comments (0)  

   messageicon The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
←Rate | 09-10-2013 12:56 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon We’re all photogenic on the millionth try!
←Rate | 09-10-2013 13:06 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon Piss me off and I'll put you on my kid's school fundraiser mailing lists
←Rate | 02-26-2016 15:59 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon Almost made a citizens arrest today on the grounds of you being a douche bag. In the end I only walked behind you and stepped on your heels.
←Rate | 08-24-2013 14:08 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fortune cookie said to go ahead with any new schemes. Dining and ditching then seemed justifiable.Why dish it out if you cant take it Mings?
←Rate | 08-24-2013 14:10 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  

   messageicon The worst thing you can say to a white girl is a toss up between "Gwyneth Paltrow would hate you if she knew you" & "Your ankles are thick."
←Rate | 08-24-2013 14:20 by Evilyyar Comments (0)  


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