Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I swear my alarm clock asked me to karate chop it this morning...

   women see men like bank accounts. Without money they don't generate much interest.

   out back building a big helium balloon... Wanna go for a ride?

   a pessimist is an experienced optimist.

   At the bottom of that bottle of chardonnay were words I always had the good sense to say

   Remember what your elders used to say, "Birds of a feather flock together. If you're an eagle, don't hang around chickens: Chickens Can't Fly!

   had to tell a friend I needed to reschedule today's activities due to FB Season starting...she texted me back.." What the hell is Facebook Season"...lol happy Sunday..smile

   Facebook: Where poke is the new booty call.

   Think outside the facebox.

   We have all experienced the pain of watching a slow typer.

   Sometimes the people you love the most are the ones that hurt you the most...but it's up to you to decide who you live through the pain for...

   Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

   Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.

   scared of fortune cookies, mine said: this message will self destruct in five seconds.

   It's not an old movie if you haven't seen it.

   encrypting a secret message within this status. Examine these words carefully. The first one to decrypt the message wins...

   There's a fleck on the speck on the tail On the frog on the bump on the branch On the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

   Channel 5 just showed a graph of the "Top 5 Wettest Months", but surprisingly, the month 'New Moon' came out was not on the list.

   f you reach into your pants pocket to get something & it takes more than 5 seconds to get it, you've succeeded at looking like a perverted jackass.

   Being a TV writer for CSI: Miami would be the best. You would never get rejected. "Your script is over-the-top and and makes no sense. We love it!"