Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   OK, who decided to call them iPhone Chargers and not Apple Juice?

   Talk to your kids about drugs. No, seriously. They have better connections.

   Name two things that will disappear if you ignore them long enough- Snow and Adolescence!

   Obama deflated the balls so the news would talk about it all freaking day and not focus on real issues.

   Sarah Palin: "A presidenty run would halter my abilitation to share common-sense smartitudes in a time of economical fizzle splatz."

   just saw Elvis, Marilyn and Bin Laden at Walmart...I have pics...but for politically correct reasons I cannot post them!

   So, My girlfriend asked me if I loved Her,..No girl, I only think about you all day, text you whenever I can & Stare at you constently when i'm with you.

   microwaving metal objects.

   Do you think Popeye would still want Olive Oyl if he knew how much Rachel Ray uses her?

   says even though my cherries gone, I still have the box it came in! :)

   Dear Taylor Swift, Kanye took your microphone not your virginity. Let's move on...

   life's a b!tch, then you marry one.

   Jeff Gordon vs. Jimmie Johnson...I love it when DIVA's fight!!

   says, forgive your enemies, but remember their names.

   pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool wit your pants on the ground

   Reasoning Behind Most Comments to A Woman's Photos: 75%-Looks, 20%-Talent, 5%- REAL Talent.

   Got caught with a beer while driving... Who would have thought they would pull over a schoolbus.

   I told my wife when I said I liked it rough I didn't mean my whole life.

   I just heard that Paul McCartney is throwing a fit now that he realizes his new wife spends twice as much on shoes as his last wife....

   I wasnt that drunk..." "Dude, you were telling 'Yo mama' jokes to orphans...