Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 298 of 6369
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
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01-26-2012 21:45 by BEGO
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Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you..
Sometimes when my internet is down,i forget that the rest of my computer still works.
I was blown away when I realised the word ' OK ' is a side ways person,...
it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
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03-26-2010 10:14
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Wonders why people stare at you when they catch you talking to yourself...EXCUSE ME but I'm having a conversation here!!!
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12-03-2010 12:17
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I have learned one thing since joining Facebook - I'm not nearly as messed up as I thought I was.
I figured out why I'm fat! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says "For Extra Volume and Body". I'm going to start using Dawn dish soap. It says "Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove".
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03-01-2011 16:10
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Some chick with rainbow spiked hair caught me staring. She goes, "What up, dude? Ya never did anything wild?" I said, "I got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my kid."
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09-15-2011 20:07 by Mick F
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How come rappers always brag about being criminals and committing crimes, but then whine like little babies when people illegally download their music. Dang hypocrites.
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10-12-2011 19:46 by g0re
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The awkward moment when one of your friends has the same facebook status as you...Damn this page.. they are onto me!
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03-24-2011 12:55 by BOO
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I like to keep a picture of myself in my wallet so when people show me pictures of their kids I can show them a pic of me not giving a sh!t.
Facebook should allow you to automatically de-friend your ex from all of your friends.
if youre gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.
Celebrating 6 yrs of a social epidemic.Congrats Facebook for connecting people with friends;old,new,and weird. Using up people's time online. Poking as many women as possible.F*cking up relationships/marriages,and checking up on people's exaggerated lives
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02-05-2010 12:57 by Danmanz
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*<]:{ > Dear Santa, This year all I want for Christmas is thick hair and a thin body and please don't get it backwards like you did last year [:p
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12-14-2010 12:38 by AT
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I am sorry we fought. I hate it when you're wrong.
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10-11-2010 18:51 by Heather25
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thinking that if you have to advertise that you are a princess across your ass, odds are you are probably not
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10-19-2010 15:34
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There's a knock at my door. Jehovah's Witness. I decided to let him in. I go, "Now what?" He says, "I dunno...I never got this far."
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12-15-2012 22:00
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