Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon What has 148 teeth and can hold back the Hulk? My Zipper :]
←Rate | 11-16-2009 10:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? (A} Almost Boobs {B} Barely there, {C} Can't Complain! (D) Damn! (DD) Double Damn! (E) Enormous! (F) Fake. (G) Get a Reduction. (H)Help me, I've fallen
←Rate | 04-21-2011 03:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm gonna be honest, I don't even know where girls pee from.
←Rate | 01-17-2013 04:37 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon why do people on Facebook make a effort out of telling everybody in a huge paragraph how bad & boring their day was to make people feel sympathetic...Get over it, everybody has their bad days but maybe it would be better if you kept it to yourself.
←Rate | 11-22-2009 16:09 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon What where Abe Lincoln's first words after he woke up from a three day bender? " I FREED WHO?"
←Rate | 05-13-2010 16:20 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ex-president Bush blamed BP for the disaster off the coast of Louisiana. Later he recanted saying "He thought BP stood for Black President."
←Rate | 05-29-2010 16:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Parents, I need some advice please. What's the right age to explain to children that FOX news isn't real? Thanks
←Rate | 12-14-2013 09:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car....
←Rate | 11-28-2010 10:23 by Grifter Comments (4)  


   messageicon Yo guys. Ever see a really good looking pregnant woman, and think of how good the sex must have been?
←Rate | 03-12-2012 14:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI Atheist do not have to thank anyone for Friday because Friday is a free natural phenomenon.
←Rate | 02-23-2013 01:00 Comments (5)  


   messageicon Instead of the government giving out free birth control, they should issue every woman a Nancy Pelosi mask. That would work better and cost less.
←Rate | 08-05-2013 14:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Objects in butt hole feel bigger than they appear.
←Rate | 05-29-2013 09:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boyfriend came home from work upset and asked me to console him, I hit him over the head with his XBox
←Rate | 09-28-2009 13:51 by chris smith Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been thinking... If poison goes out of date, does it become more or less deadly?
←Rate | 11-04-2009 15:43 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon As long as there are tests,there will always be public prayers in schools.
←Rate | 11-19-2009 07:25 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Women are made to be loved, not understood."
←Rate | 07-28-2010 16:12 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having your gf/bf break up with you and saying: We can still be friends. Is like your dog dying and you mom saying: You can still keep it
←Rate | 08-25-2010 11:17 by @KMAC_MSE Comments (0)  


   messageicon to the two men who laughingly dismissed the cute blonde walking in front of us because "she's got muffin top": SO DO YOU, you just cleverly hide your early-30s pudge in those relaxed-fit Dockers you're wearing. P.S. You are balding.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 11:28 by CS Comments (0)  


   messageicon having a threesome with aunt jemima & mrs. butterworth
←Rate | 09-28-2010 13:13 by @randomdidit Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:31 Comments (0)  




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